Worried...

Last night late while journaling...he was moaning in his sleep. I turned and looked and he was trying to move to the good side. Yesterday, his right shoulder was bothering him and I didn't realize it but he's been trying to back off the pain meds as well as today. I asked why and he said he didn't want to be taking them that he would try to put up with the pain...that's foolish don't totally go off if your hurting that bad.

He gets up every couple of hours during the night. He still bounces from his chair to the couch. He'll nap in his chair during the day if I'm needing to nap as well. There are times this past week I have had to take several naps to keep me going. So far I'm holding up and not getting too run down and I've even dropped two pounds over this past week...whoo hoo...

Between phone calls and keeping up with everything, I think I got all the bases covered. I've got notes going so I don't loose track whats going on with him and workman's comp and the health insurance and whom I've talked with because I'm still trying to keep my health maintained. It's another story and soon I'll explain and maybe some will understand as family and friends already know...By the way his next appointment is Friday, October 19th with the oncologist. Wish it was sooner because the wait sometimes is too much...

Our daughters and I feel things happen for a reason-Tam going to college and getting a new job and making new friends with an associate who has cancer and it is helping her to understand and learn and cope. Researching the web and learning more (Tam and I) and understanding what the doctor is saying (me) when he was telling us. I knew what the next step was before he said it was a needle biopsy to find out where it originated from and stage. The reading of Suzanne Somer's book and reading stuff in it and understanding her steps of going through chemo and how a lot of patients don't always follow through with all their appointments. Just what has come about and thinking back it's probably been all for a reason. With Charli
so far away, I'm trying to keep her informed as much as possible and telling her the websites to check so I know that what I've explained she understood and if not she can read more on it. I'm glad she has certain friend to talk with as well as Gary her hubby. Conversing through texting with her today and then actually talking on the phone I noticed her voice welt up and I'm trying to keep it together and then the facet opened up and I quietly for a few seconds let it come out and she asked if I was alright and I managed to pull myself together and said that I was okay and that it does hit me from time to time. I believe a little bit more today. I think it's starting to sink in more and yes, I'm still trying to stay in the moment although it is hard....

I don't think I was really going to talk about this and I should journal when I think of things but don't want to be doing it several times a day. You might get bored with it...lol...
We just kicked back today. He slept off and on and has been trying to keep up on the news on the economy and the market. We've lost over $10,000 so far this year and I know it's nothing compared to those who've lost even more or all in the market. Last year wasn't any better either about the same. Anyway, enough of that subject.

I've offered to get him his westerns from the library in either reading or books on CD's but he doesn't want that. He was looking for some music on CD's from the carousel and he was squatting like he always does but couldn't get up this time. I had to help lift him up. He's always been physical and to see him weak like this is odd.
After getting up, I asked if he was alright and he said he wasn't sure anymore. This has never happened to him before and he's worried. He still wants to listen to music but doesn't want to have to change the records, cd's or cassettes too much of a hassel...yeah, we have some of the old formats of music. We even still have an old 8track and 4track...lol...at one time had a reel to reel....Anyway, I suggested putting the western radio station on and he was happy with that. I was busy doing other things and/or on the internet so it didn't bother me (pssst the TV was still on too but muted...lol). I have a bad habit of multi-tasking a lot...lol...

Time got away from me and he was up and getting ready to go to coffee with Red a friend who comes by to get him otherwise I take him. Today it was only him and Red. Owen and Gloria didn't show up and Kelvin is out of town hunting. I'm glad he has that to do. It's really bothering him that the back yard grass is getting taller and poor Jack is starting to get swallowed up in it...lol...don't worry it'll get done soon...

Oh, for dinner I fixed pancakes with eggs. He's been hungry for either french toast or pancakes last few days...so I finally fixed them tonight. I made extra for the next couple days if he wants something different than his oatmeal or standby...not too many people like it when we tell them what it is...the girls like it...a standby is toast with peanut butter not too heavy and fried hard egg and cheese on it...sometimes I will ask if he wants bacon on too...not too often....so what do you think...I can't eat it myself...don't like to mix egg and peanut butter together...yuk...

Anyway, he's trying to lay in bed in the spare bedroom tonight. His back is bothering him since he hasn't been laying flat on his back for awhile. He was told sleeping upright is better but for about 15 minutes today he managed to lay flat on his back in bed. I wouldn't be surprised if he's up here in the next hour. He says he only sleeps 1 1/2 to 2 and then he's up to the bathroom and going outside and back in...and he doesn't want to disturb what sleep I get...sometimes I have my bad nights too...and I'll come out on the couch so I don't disturb him...now, he's doing it. Hopefully it won't be too long...

I am so glad the cooler weather is finally here. It was surprising today when I saw the thermostat was reading 100 and it's been 90 lately...ohhhhhhhhh and the late eve and early morns are so nice. We open up the house. I don't like being closed up and dislike it when it gets too cold or too hot and have to close up the house.

Anyway, I think I will go for now. I have errands to do in morning. Jack needs grooming...he's such a character...lol...and maybe groceries but definitely an appointment with doctor myself for follow-up on a post-op wound from August 29 and stitches were removed September 11th but not sure healing right on my left shoulder. I will explain more on that one later. Good night...