Sylvia Browne...

I happen to like Sylvia and not sure how some of you feel...but as Sylvia says, "Take with you what you want and leave the rest behind or throw away."

Sylvia has this website that she does a web class once a month on. I sign in each time and have submitted a question hoping to have it answered. I believe this is the fourth month and she and her son Chris both answered my question. I changed it a lit'l bit this time cuz the question was brought up to me and I couldn't answer it...I didn't know...it kind of scares me but I know things will work out and I guess I knew deep down where I really belong...

You are welcome to go to her web class site and watch if you missed her class and you may even sign up and submit your question for next month...my question in the beginning was "How long do I have with my husband before he passes?"...after a couple of months I decided to change it because of the question brought up to me of...have I thought about where I'm going to live after he passes?...No, not sure. When you go to www.spiritnow.com you'll be on the home page and in the middle in a yellow box it says, "Missed Sylvia's Web Classes? Watch Here>>"...click and let it fully load and watch the whole video or if just my question then move the cursor/forward button to 44:44 minutes and she and Chris will read and answer my question.

Alicia: "Where will I be living after my husband passes, not sure what I'm going to do." Sylvia says, "I think you're going to be living in the southwest. And I wouldn't be too concerned about your husband, I don't see him passing that soon." Chris says, "He's got quite a long time to be around still."

This is so uplifting and joyous...:D

Attitude...

I liked this saying same/similar to being negative or positive...another saying is
"Be useful...but don't be used!"

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

- Charles R. Swindoll

"Don't ever let anyone down play you...What you have to say is WORTH saying...It may not be important to some but it very well is what others are needing if you are discussing it."...
- TC and AM

Aches...

He commented this afternoon that he has been aching bad today but is okay when he's still when laying down...the cool, windy weather again...the more he hurts the more he feels agitated and cranky...:(

He apologizes for that and told him its understandable...he has a different degree of pain from me...I have been dealing with sarcoidosis neuropathy since 1989 and now I'm noticing that the diabetes is adding to it...my worst pain is in my feet in the toes or just below in the bones (shins too)...our oldest gave me some Avon foot cream and it happens to have some numbing compound in it(lanacane?)...it has helped at night before crawling into bed...

At the doctor's appointment last week, I asked the doctor if we could try the gabapentin 300mg again...my biggest thing about medicines is if they make me groggy/sleepy I'll stop taking them after the first or second dose...it's been 3-4 years since I tried using the medicine but I was put on it 3x's a day (900mgs total a day) all I wanted to do was sleep...I fig'd if I just took it at night before bed I'd do alright...wrong...it done the trick for the pain but made me feel sleepy most of the morning and I just wanted to sleep...I don't want that effect...I would rather suffer the pain...

About a year ago, I was taking tylenol several times a day for the pain every day...but heard of a nutritional supplement that would be better than taking tylenol...so I started taking 2 gel caps daily of "Celadrin" 500mg each...essential fatty acid...it did the trick...because I didn't want the sleepy affect I decided to take an extra one at bedtime last night and it worked but also noticed it helped with the asthma I have...so, today I decided to take the 3rd one at 3pm eight hours after the first two...wow, it done the trick again and my breathing was doing good as I was trying to vacuum the house and then mop floors...oxygen up and taking plenty of breaks to rest up...took another one tonight about hour ago and it's doing the trick again...guess I'll be sticking to the Celadrin instead of the prescription of gabapentin...especially if it's taking care of two stones with one bird as the saying goes :D

I sure am glad to hear the wind has calmed down for the night...a bit kool though...thinking maybe I better set the heater on 72 just in case it gets too kool for him during the night...

I had a strong urge to sleep out here the other night in the family room on the couch to be closer to him but he would have been upset if I had...he says I need my rest too...maybe I will tonight...put the headphones on and listen to the music...well, for now I'm signing off and Elf...eryone have a gr8t week...prayers are still needed and appreciated...much luv to all...good night :D

Odd...

Odd and peculiar the bulge on his fractured arm...since he's had the brace off a couple of days...the bulge is gone and he says his shoulder doesn't feel like its slipped out of place or the gap between the two...he feels that maybe wearing the brace is pulling his shoulder out of place/socket...didn't get that picture soon enough of arm...if it happens again will be sure to take one and see if visible to eye...

Since the winds are coming up next week and cooler weather, we decided to go get his blood work today...we had to sit there about 45 minutes...forgot Thursdays are for vets to get blood work...which we didn't mind...

We ran a few errands and picked up few groceries...he waited in the van...he said he actually enjoyed getting out with me for a lit'l while even tho it wore him out...by the time we got home, we ate lunch and he sacked out for several hours...

On the warm and sultry day...been running A/C a lit'l bit and keep air bit cleaner from pollen...warmth...not sure I'm ready for the super heat yet...

Well, best be going and ya'll have a good day 2morrow...take care :D

Bulge....

Several things going on...he didn't sleep worth a beans the other night...I didn't last night...checked on him twice last night but also had to get up early for my doctor's appointment at 9 am fasting for blood work, new scripts, etc...I didn't get home til 11:30 a.m. and I was shaky and starving...good thing I had a snak bar on me and took a few bites to get me home and fix brunch...I had breakfast/lunch combined...lol...exceptionally tired and don't feel I'm getting my rest like I need...trying to do too much...ya think!...:D...

All he wanted to do was sleep today and that was good...he said he feels more rested even with the pain...he's sticking with the 5 hour regime on pain meds right now and will bump it up if more than what he can handle...why do they sometimes have to be stubborn, guess us girls can be that way too...lol...that's his make-up...he likes to have a lit'l pain so he knows he's still alive and kickin'...lol...like me if any medicine makes me groggy I won't take it anymore after the first dose...I feel tired enough from the sarcoidosis...

He's surprised the doctor who examined him for finalizing workman's comp case didn't notice his fractured arm...he still wears the brace, we have no idea if the fracture has even healed...uhhhh, dear duhhh it probably won't with the way the cancer is still spreading in the bones...lol...don't take this wrong...it's not being sarcastic...like talking to myself and duhhh ya think!!!!...lol...trying to find humor when situation not always the best to hide how one really feels....

After I got home from my appointment he proceeded to show me his arm...the left one (will have to get a pic and see if it shows it well enough for you to see) where it was fractured...above the fracture where the arm socket is suppose to be has sunk down and bulges...in between it feels like nothing is there. I asked if he wanted me to call the cancer doctor or our family doctor to check it out and he said no...there's nothing they can do about it because the cancer is still spreading in the bones and not contained yet. He definitely doesn't want the doctor to try and jerk it into place and refracture or cause another break...soooooo learning more new stuff as we go along and hoping for the best...

He is still going to coffee even with the hurt so he can get out of the house but yet he doesn't want to go any where else any other time...sometimes he forces himself to get out to go see his ma...it's been lately not weekly but every couple of weeks...he made himself go last week so we could tell her the mixed news on the test results...this time you could see the hurt in ma's eyes...she's seen pa go thru it and now Tim...because of all of this happening with pa and now him...his brothers are stepping back and taking a second look/thought and going to hang it up with work and retire soon...spend the quality of time with their families before it's too late and then not have much time with them...one the end of April and the other I believe he said at age 55...he'll be 49 next month...

I have headphones on listening to music and I'm hearing this lit'l sqeak...lol...turn around to see where it's coming from and it's Jack letting me know he needs something...uhhh, you have food and you don't want to go out...so I don't know...duhhhh, he finally decided he wants to eat...lol...

Well, it's getting late so will sign off for now as I need to get dinner on and not sure what and too tired...so maybe standbys...lol...I'll let you figure that one out...if you remember reading in past blogging...take care and hope elf...eryone had a fun St. Patty's day...

Fourth round...

Well today he starts on his fourth round of "Sutent" the chemo pill that is working good on the organs...not doing so hot on the bones (shoulders, arms, right leg/hip)...

We think we got his pain meds tweeked finally...though it could change down the way...doctor called yesterday and said the insurance approved the "Infusion for Zometa"...that will give him 61% more chance of working in slowing down the cancer in his bones along with the "Sutent" with an added benefit of lessening the pain along with the lortabs/naproxen and strengthening them too...

Our daughters are excited for the approval from the insurance and one has commented this in her blog...drew tears to my eyes and I let him read it too...

"So... I bet you are wondering why I complain so much and what was approved...well not so sure about the complaining...but the ZOMETA was APPROVED! Yay! I am so glad. I hope it helps with the pain, because my dad is in serious pain. I have not seen it hit him this badly, ever. With more pain comes more irritability. With more pain come less movement. He gets too aggravated and frustrated. He tries to stay positive, but it is really hard. It is a good thing he has my mom around... us girls I am sure help make him happy, but my mom truly gives him the strength to hang in and fight. I know that I do, and I know that my sister does, but I guess it is the connection, the special bond that my parents have that makes life a little easier, that makes the load less difficult to bear, that makes the sun shine on a cloudy day. My moms sweet nature soothes my dads emotions. It was definitely a match made in heaven. I know I sound so cliche... :) but to me it is all so very true."

Well, I guess I'll go for now and wishin' elf...eryone a TGIF day...whoo hoo...:D

Wow, been a week already....

Wow, it's been a week already...where does the time go anymore?...seems like it's been hectic or something going on and I haven't had time to myself like I might get in the evening to blog or whatever or let loose (cry to keep me going)...

Sorry, I re-read this and had too many errors...so am fixing them if you happen to get this a second time...again, I apologize.

He had those appointments for blood work, then the two tests (CT, bone scan) back to back and us missing naps...still trying to recoup and catch up...but also we have offered our home to daughter's fiance' and his dad...Shaun has been working 3 days a week sometimes 4 days...escorting his dad to doctors appointments, etc...his dad got laid off and filed for unemployment and then come to find out he gets turned down because he can't look for work...but got info that they are going to call and talk with him...mean time, he puts call into Social Security Disability and his phone appointment is today...Shaun trying to handle it all...so til things/economy turns around they are staying with us...we did some rearranging in the house...still recouping from that and the appts...with my sarcoidosis if I over do it...I get set back and my energy, etc is zapped out of me and sometimes takes awhile for me to recoup...

He's still hurting and seems like it's getting worse...we're still trying to make adjustments to his meds...went from 1 every 6 hours and 2 at bed from 1-2 every 5 hours depending how he feels and 2 at bed...with naproxen 'tween...the cool weather isn't helping either...just feeling frustrated...he doesn't want to just lay in bed and give up so I've convinced him to bump up to every 5 hours and see how that works...also have a call put into the doctor...did the infusion get approved by the insurance and if so is there a chance we can get it sooner than April 15 (besides working with the sutent on the slowing it down, it helps strengthens his bones and helps take some more of the pain away...he doesn't want to do radiation for the pain as it will cause sores as well)...then do it again on the 15th as my understanding it's every 3-4 weeks...assuming it's the "zometa" that he will be getting in that infusion...????

I'm trying to hang in there and sometimes when I don't have my quiet time/nap or time at night to let loose sometimes I don't think I'm going to make it but then I talk to God at night and leave it in his hands...I do good for a short while...mostly day to day...

Do you ever feel like once in a while things pile up too much and you just want to throw everything into a pile and set a torch to it????....start fresh body, mind and otherwise....sometimes life gets too complicated and it shouldn't be that way...do too much, please too many...as a saying sez, "Be useful and don't be used"...now, I'm probably not making any sense...hahahaha...just letting loose....

I have my headphones on listening to music while writing this and Dolly's song "I will always love you" came on...that's one of our songs when we first met...he was asking what the names were so he could write them in his journal that Tam got for him at Christmas...oh now, "A Summer Place" is playing...Henry Mancini, sorry just checked its 101 Strings playing it...

Anyway, hope elf...eryone else is doing as best as possible with whats going on in this world/economy and phone rang...brb...doctor said infusion was approved for zometa and that he can go up to every 4 hours on his lortab but if he wants to do infusion sooner that April 15h to call and he'll set it up...he's awake and wanting lunch so will go for now...forgive any errors...much luv to all...:D

Test results...

Yes, we made the trip to Georgetown...tired now...has been a busy week and a half...not fully rested up yet...still going...need to make banana bread...he keeps looking for it...lol...

Well, weez bak...got lunch out of the way and he is laying down for nap
and I will be soon...Tam went back to Vegas this morn' again...yeah, she
came home again yesterday after class...working on art project and was
trying to get idea in head and see what art/craft supplies I have for her to
use...

Shaun still trying to move him and his dad's stuff over and just got off
work at 7am...now at 1pm he's helping a friend that lives in the same complex
and who he works with - to move his friend's big stuff...yeah, this economy has everyone hurting...anyway he'll be here little while to get sleep for work tonight...

I was up with Tam last night trying to help her in some way with ideas
and items to use...gotz to bed at 1am...up at 6am when alarm went off...got
ready and we left early for Georgetown cuz I had to drop off an empty oxygen
tank that Martina gave me two of last Friday at the hospital and she said she trusted me to bring in my other empty today...

Well, I know you're thinking get to the news...lol...ok ok ok....:D :D :D :D ;( :(
:( :(

Doc had mixed answers/results...good and somewhat bad....good the CT showed
the tumor in the kidney shrunk some and the liver no new growth...maintaining
there...nothing showing in his other organs...ORGANS...

Now for the bonees.........bONeS somewhat bad...its working but has spread that's
why it seemed dimmer to me....shoulders/arms, legs/hips...it's not in the ribs/spine yet like I thought it might might be...but that's why he's hurting more too....
Doc suggested chemo...he said no....he didn't want to be sick/puck...trips however
often to get IV chemo, would rather do the pill he's doing now...no radiation for the
pain and then have sores from it plus again the trips...so his medications routine for lortabs has changed and he's to play with it to decide what works and then go with it...instead 1 every 8 hours and naproxen in between...it's to be 1 every six hours maybe 2 at bedtime...with naproxen in between as needed...

Also getting approval from insurance for him to get once a month when he sees doctor an infusion of a bone strengthener called "e" something...can't remember name but will find out when Jackie calls and says insurance approved it or not...I called the specialty prescription mail-order pharmacy to have his next refill of "Sutent" sent FedEx and be delivered on Monday...so that's where it is so far...so it looks like its taking longer for the sutent to work on his bones...

He still has monthly blood to do and see the doctor again April 15th for office visit and then the "infusion" if it gets approved. Then see if based on how he feels to continue using "sutent' or try another chemo pill on a month to month basis or go till his 6th round of "sutent" and then do CT and bone scan again for results and make changes then....

We talked and we kind of fig'd this but still hopeful...he's fighting but he realizes its just putting off the inevitable...but giving him more time with us...:D he's also trying to think of me...you make the decision what you want and we'll work with it and get whatever scheduled...

So I think I have covered everything...feel like I'm antsy from being so tired...feel like I'm climbing the walls expression...lol...gotz to go he wants up here in 15 mins...

The wind has been blowing like the dickens here but not so bad in Georgetown...coming through the Gorge into town, I sometimes felt like the van was
going to get picked up and thrown around the way it blew...lol...

It's definitely my time to take a nap or I won't make it tonight and will be cryin' just to make it through the evening...have to watch Am. Idol to see who made the top 3 this week...lol...he picked the three last week and he's hoping again this week he picked the right ones...lol...

Elf...eryone have a good evening and don't let the bed bugs bite...:D :D :D :D
take care and much luv