May I please borrow $25?....

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard every day for such childish frivolities.' The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.' The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. 'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled. 'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.' The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Turkey

h a p p y T h A n K s G i V i N g E v E r Y o N e....had a few minutes...be safe today and much luv to all...will blog lata....bye 8)

Sad...

Sad today...the tears just keep flowing like a faucet...on and off...trying to get over the bronchitis and tired, really tired...plans didn't work out for oldest daughter to go to wound clinic with me as I'd rather have someone with him just in case...he kept saying...go! go! GO!...I'll just be sleeping..but we didn't honor it...Charli stayed here...
By the way the wound continues to do well...the personnel in the wound clinic are so wonderful and made every effort to cheer me up and got me to laughin'...
Yeah, another issue has come up and daughter thought she caused the problem but she didn't...computer tech got problem isolated down to the fact my dsl modem might defective...I get internet but can't get my emails in or out...suppose to get new modem tomorrow...I have to say I am one of those that would feel lost without the computer...it's my lifeline to everyone...FAR! and near...
With it Thanksgiving week...he'll get his blood work tomorrow morning...nurse from family doctor called and said all the tests were good for the 20th don't know about the 13th...MaryAnn is a sweetheart...funn:D we know quite a few MaryAnn's anymore...must be a reason...who knows!??! Random thoughts...hahahaha
Special people in our lives stopped by this morning thinking it was the computer tech and it was family...stopped by to drop off a little something for us for Thanksgiving and the Holidays....I opened them and all I do was cry.........................................................he said they don't do that for many but special ones in their lives......
He made comment last night that he feels that it's going from bad to worse....his body language looked like he was fighting tears...
Home health care has been approved when he feels he wants the nurse to come by...just to call the main office and get it set up again...
Still waiting on motor wheelchair...Jeremiah called today and they are expediting and he said should know something tomorrow so main office can get it ordered...in the mean time he had a manual wheelchair he gave us to use in van so if I'm by myself with him I don't have to run into facilities looking for one...I just yank that one out and he can slip into it...easily manuverable but too big for the house...so I could possible push him unless there's a slope...we'll see...I'll be by myself next Thursday when he has to go to Georgetown to see doctor...
I made comment to him and older daughter that the sad part about all this is he unable to be in bed to be close and not being able to hold him cause he hurts...I lightly touch him on good leg or arm...I hate to see him suffering...he didn't even feel like talking to a close friend tonight...friend asked if there was anything he needed and I was fighting the tears and said no...didn't know what else to tell him...he will try to stop by tomorrow...
I will be glad when our youngest comes home from college for the four day weekend and spend time with us and her sister...we need this time before her sister goes back to Indiana on Tuesday...
Well, I'm going to call it a night and wish eVERYoNE a sPECIAL sAFE hOLIDAY wEEKeND....

Built up...

So many things going on and it all builds up...then bam I either can't let loose or it just flows...not sure what all to tell...just a bit of everything...my appointments for shoulder twice a week still, his labs once a week for doctor and that in it self is a trip and a half...
He finally got his prosthesis brace for his fractured left arm on Friday...he said it seems to make a difference...but still have to be gentle...
It seems like something is always going on...comings and goings, not necessarily for him but me and then people come over to check on him...I've been trying to keep my rest and strength up and my home remedies just wasn't cutting it so finally went to docs and I have bronchitis and caught it in time before it turned into pneumonia...I haven't been sick for two years straight but with the new stress and finding an inner strength to do what needs to be done I've gotten myself somewhat sick...
it's hard when you have to keep repeating yourself in telling someone I have been dealing with this since 1989 and I know when I'm getting sick and need an antibiotic to fight it...and I just lost it today and then turned around and apologized for my behavior especially to the nurse...she hoped everything would be okay...
Social security called today like they said they would for the appointment to get his disability started and told him to worry about his health and they would take care of getting his disability expedited in 30-60 days...another thing done...
Now, gotz to get computer geek here in morning to see why not getting emails through Outlook Express...tried everything...have been getting them through webmail website...don't like it...
Found out he didn't want to take his meds for pain...was tired of being dopey...so backed off but decided tonight to take less amount but he'll probably still be in pain to a degree...which the doctor's assistant doesn't believe in pain...still having problems eating off and on...may have to get other meds to help him eat better when see doctor next week...like yesterday wasn't a good day all around...eating and pain wise....
Well, I guess I go for now...have another appointment tomorrow besides Friday...oh, yeah oldest daughter made it out last week on Wednesday and she has been a big help...taken some of the load off me but still trying to take care of her home and work stuff from a distance.

Everyone have a gREAT tHANKSGIVING...enjoy your families and friends...and gOD bLESS yA....nite

Been a few days...

It's been a few days...he's holding his own but is eating better but more like snakin' every 2-3 hours...it seems to be pretty much soft foods...jello, pudding, applesauce, oatmeal, eggs, english muffin, soup, crackers/cheese, mashed tators and gravy, coleslaw and hamb stk/patty...can't seem to handle anything greasy...like I bbq'd last night hamburgers and beef hot dogs and he had the hamburger patty no bread and did fine with that but today tried eating one of the hot dogs but said was too greasy his stomach wouldn't handle it...nothing too heavy...

Some nights he sleeps closer to three hours than 1.5 to 2 hours...I tried sleeping in bedroom the second half of last night after I got up with him around one a.m. and I slept better and surprisingly I did hear him and he keeps insisting I sleep in the bedroom so I get a better restful nights sleep...hahaha, that's easier said than done...he knows I wake up when I hear him so he said unless he hollers to stay in bed....we'll see...

I was so wiped out yesterday and thought I had recouped yesterday afternoon but this morning it took everything I had to muster up the energy to get myself ready and get to Georgetown and get my shoulder rebandaged at the wound clinic...which is coming along good...Mandi used an iodine paste to help draw out more the drainage and then put a big square bandage on...til Friday, then she's going to use a lit'l silver nitrate on this one tiny piece of tissue flap to remove and I believe do the iodine again...til Tuesday and see where we are at then...hopefully she'll say lets cut down to once a week...it's getting to be that time of year I always stick close to home and do my shopping early morning hours to stay away from sick people cause I don't need to be sick with his health the way it is now and I have been fortunate not to be sick last two years around holidays...yea...I think it due to vitamin changes and taking C and iron and learning that I do better on 8-9 hours of sleep than shorter hours cause then it seems like I'm sleeping all the time...like yesterday and today in between everything...

Oh yeah, on the dishwasher ha ha ha ha...because it's all one piece and no individual parts...the pump did go out but it'll take a new pump/motor etc and estimate was $260+ parts and labor...uhhh, let me call you on that...it might be cheaper to get a new dishwasher....so I'm window shopping...

His arm brace/cast/prosthesis whatever you choose to call it...finally came it and he's to get it fitted on Friday by the therapist...that means Thursday morning for labs and Friday for the brace...and it definitely will be hard days for him...I would do both in one day but that would totally wear him out and pain wise wouldn't be good...as far as sitting too long with the pelvic and right leg...also I have two appointments on Friday myself earlier in the day...so it's going to be a longgggggggggggg one for me on Friday....

Pastor has someone coming by tomorrow with him to help with vacuuming/mopping, maybe on a regular basis...we'll see...Shaun (younger daughter's boyfriend) has been a great help but with him working graveyards I can't always depend on him...he needs a break too...and sleep!!!!!!!

Well, I think I'm finding my energy tonight so that should mean tomorrow might be a decent day...I'll know in the morning...tehe...

A thought came to mind just now...when I was getting ready this morning for the appointment...I have to wash my hair in the kitchen sink then take shower from chest down due to the wound on the shoulder...I was headed for the shower when he started talking in his sleep...sorry, I couldn't help but laugh just because the timing was just so perfect like right on cue...he was talking in his sleep and then all of a sudden he said, "hey" and I turned around and looked and he's asleep and his hand was like doing the motion for the TV remote like pushing the buttons...I was trying so hard not to laugh and wake him up....see there still is humor in life even all that has come about...and the fact he made a comment this morning on my way out the door to my appointment that he wished I didn't have to go to it too, "he likes having me around"....how sweet...

I believe that's all the updates for now...OH yeah, our oldest daughter will be here in the morning hopefully around 11a.m. and surprise her dad...yeah, SURPRISE...he doesn't know and it's not just for Thxgiving but for two weeks...

You'll have a good eve...and dON'T lET tHE bED bUGS bITE!!!!...lol...nite :)

Strenuous...

Before...

Strenuous trying to help him take a shower...let see...uhhhmmm...used motor chair to go into main bathroom as it has a shorter tub to get into...the masterbath has a high side as it's a jet tub/shower...we both decided that the motor chair was not going to cut it...so I wheeled it out of the bathroom and got the secretarial desk chair that rolls around easy and he straddled it and got him into the tub and then swung his legs into the tub and luckily we have a shower head that unhooks and he was able to one handed (with my help) wet down and soap up and rinse off...lol...then we started from the feet up...not sure why but at the time it made since...dried him off and got him half way dressed then he straddled chair again and I finished drying him and sprayed deo and he looked in the mirror (looks like its spelled wrong) and he was wanting to shave...dear, I think we should have done that first so you could rinse hairs off in the shower...okay next time...oh well, duh forgot the last r...there that's good now...hahahahaha...anyway, got out into familyroom and went to get him a shirt and clean arm sling...and took a picture...so there is a before and after...he may not look any different but I had to...lol...when I took the before...I said it looked like (facial expression) grouch popping out of the trash can on Sesame Street...lol...he looked and laughed with me...he's admitted he's looking thin around the chin/neck area...he may look old with the gray beard but when clean shaven it's soft as a "baby's bottom"...lol...I told him I would shave him but not with the razor. I would use the electric one...I'm getting my exercise in an odd sort of way but I had to turn up my oxygen from the exersion...did just fine and sat at kitchen table and said, "I don't think I'm going to clean the bathrooms today too wore out. I'll just do the laundry." He's taking a nap now cause he said his hip/leg were really bothering him again...course it was close to time of his next dosage of pain meds...

I do have to admit that after looking at the after picture...close up when cropping...his left side of his face looks a bit saggy around the mouth...

After...

Oh, I went to check the mail and another issue to attend to...the power steering needs flushed out...and new fluid put in...we have to do this every few years or it picks up an awful squeel...yeah, I know I'm holding it together...

Okay, I shant blog again today...lol...I think...just to let you know I/we are getting through it together...we both get wore out but we are figuring it out together...but I do have my moments....oh yeah...in private...don't want him to see how much it really is affecting me now....luv to all and have a sUNNY sU:Day!!!! Take care...lata me <3

No more...

No more problems...we were up at five a.m. and he got his meds and I fixed breakfast for him but he wasn't able to eat much...he said chewing was hard to do but he managed to eat half the eggs and all the sourdough muffin...

He went over and laid down as his hip was hurting/bothering him and sitting too long makes it worse...so I picked up breakfast stuff and started dishwasher and went in to take a shower and when I came out I noticed the rug in front of the sink was wet in the right corner and I started to slide it over and realized that the dishwasher was leaking....no no no no not now...I have enough to deal with and started to lose it...and said "NO, I can't do this!!!" and told myself we'll get it taken care and noticed he was awake and asked what he wanted to do...I was afraid of the water not getting cleaned up and mold setting in...well, he had me call Kelvin and he called back and said he'd be over...water wasn't that bad but Kelvin thinks its the pump cause its right where the rug would bump up against the dishwasher while it was running...so I have a call put into the repair service outfit here in town...not sure when I'll get a call back but in the mean time the dishwasher is sort of...lol...hangin' out :)~~~~ told Kelvin to leave it as it would be less of a hassle when whoever comes to fix it or trash it....hahahaha....ohhhh, I felt sorry for Kelvin down on my dirty floors and I think I'll start on my bathrooms today while I'm doing laundry...CLEAN...the house is really getting to me, actually ashamed of the way it looks....

Oh, I finally got the Will, Living Will and Power of Attorney ready for witnesses and notary tomorrow...another thing out of the way...

I'm trying to keep busy I think more so I don't really have to think about losing him...cause I know I'll be lost without him...and my crying is more and more but in private...like now...a friend said I was in morning already...I'd almost have to believe her...cause I don't know how long he'll be here with us...and I don't want to sound selfish but I don't want to lose him...sorry but I guess it's all getting to me and in front of people I put on a good front too, just like him...I don't like seeing him in this shape, feeling helpless that he can't help me or do what needs to be done around the house...

He slept better last night...went to bed around 930pm and woke at 1am for meds to get him through the night and yeaaaaaaaaa...didn't wake again til 5am....lol...I kept hearing this clicking noise and it didn't stop so I jumped up off the couch to see what he was doing causing the clicking was coming from the motor wheelchair..."are you okay? Oh, your awake, yeah I'm okay." I thought maybe the clicking was cause he'd gone downhll some more, maybe in his mind and didn't remember how to operate the motor chair...no, he's cool beans...

He's back to sleep again but I know he'll be ready for a shower after kids leave for a game in Vegas here soon...it's 11a.m....the game is this afternoon I think they said at 230pm...so he'll get in after they leave...I'm going to have him sit on shower chair and then I'll swing his legs over into the tub and let the shower run over him like if he was out in the rain...can't stand so will have to dry him off as best I can...sponge baths just don't cut it...he said...I agree...

Well, I'm going to get off here and try to get some stuff done and go check mail before the kids take off for a while...as far as the picture above of him...the one good arm is always moving in his sleep like he's doing something and sometimes you can make out what he is saying...other times it's just mumbling...

Take care and have a sUPER sATURDAY....

I'm Your Angel...

On silver wings I crossed the ocean
In reverie of the night eyes reign.
Lightning bolts have stolen the skies
From the shadows of the usurper.
We can dance in the rain
Splashing red mist from deepest pain.
Nothing matters more than you
When I must look into your eyes
Seeking higher places
Where nobody cries
Baby I’m your angel,
I’m your angel tonight
Come shelter under my wing
Lightning bolts your angel brings
To steal the skies from horrible things
Take this from my heart and sing...
Good night, sleep safe
Feel my presence at your shoulder
Triumph is yours fair one
Cause I will watch your back.
I reach my arms to you
I will hold you
I will protect you
I am your angel
Dreaming wet moon lights the skies.
Until you join me with your smiling eyes,
Earth’s most beautiful creatures,
We’ll have tear-filled eyes.
On silver wings I crossed the ocean
In reverie of the night eyes reign.
My lightning bolts have stolen the skies
From the shadows of the usurper.
Know we dance in the rain
Splashing red mist to rivers pain.
Nothing makes me happier than you
Now that I look into your eyes
Reaching higher places
Where nobody dies
Baby I’m your angel,
I’m your angel tonight
Your angel
Baby I’m your angel
I am your angel
And I love you
Your angel
Baby I’m your angel
Dreaming wet moon lights the skies.
Until you join me with your smiling eyes,
Earth’s most lonely creatures,
We’ll have tear-filled eyes.
Baby now I’m your Angel
I’m your angel tonight
Baby I’m your angel
I’m your angel tonight
Your angel
Baby I’m your angel
Your angel
Baby I’m your angel
Good night fair one
I’ll watch your back
So earth’s most loving creatures
Sleep well tonight
Baby I’m your angel
I’m your angel tonight
Your angel
Baby I’m your angel
I’m your angel tonight…

by Themis Music Inc.

Well...

Well....uhhmmm...not sure what to write...starting to feel numb and pulled in different directions and crying more...he sleeps an awful lot...especially today cause we had to make that trip to the hospital for lab work this morning...and he said it was hard to sit in the wheelchair and just making that short trip really wore him out...he used the motor chair to get to the van and said he would sit in back of the van cause there was no way he could get up in the passenger side and sit in the seat!!!!!!!!...not with a broken left arm and right leg that has given out on him this last Sunday...
I'm not sure what it's going to be like come December 4th when we have to drive to Georgetown and see doc...I'm sure that trip will reallllly wear him out....and hear blood work results done weekly and get new orders for further blood work to continue on the "Sutent" for another 28 days...
He was going through paperwork that we don't need to worry about until few days before phone appointment with S.S. on 24th...I sometimes feel like he's pushing to get stuff done (whether he's aware of it or not and that his body is maybe telling him to get things in order) and I can only do so much...suppose to get Will, Living Will Declaration and General Power of Attorney notorized on Sunday...luckily they can come to the home and do it with witnesses....
Jeremiah stopped by today to get info and all to process for his own motor chair...and after seeing Tim...he's going to push it through asap...instead of standard time to qualify...yes!!!!...
I watched the movie Kit Kittridge The American Girl...story 1934 Depression times and boy, does it sure sound like our day in time NOW....whoaaaa.....good movie....that was my short down time and then had to take a nap....couldn't go any longer...gotz to get up earlyyyyy in morning to leave at 715 a.m. for my wound appt in Georgetown...hopefully, they won't be too busy...if I haven't already said...should be maybe only another month for my shoulder....yes!!!!
Well, I'm going to call it a night on this entry and wish you all well and a TGIF!!!! whoo hoo...take care...

Hard time...

He's having a hard time eating and I had put a call into Dr. Te or K to call back...because of the changes...need a motor chair, concerned about his cough, hungry but can't eat and he does try to eat his stomach gets upset/heartburn...
Tam came home from college for a day...holiday for her at college and work...she went up with me to the wound clinic and Mandi said my shoulder is looking good and she estimates about another month and she probably will release me....whoo hoo one less thing to worry about....yes!...but while I was there Shaun (Tam's boyfriend) stayed with him...lol...Tam and I kept getting calls or texts from the guys...and everytime one came in I was thinking something was wrong....not....
K from oncologist office walked over and talked to me about Tim...gave me a script for motor chair, some compazine and if his cough changes like in color and running a fever to call her and she'll call an antibiotic in at pharmacy for him to take...
I'm still hangin ' in there...but my hardest times are when I'm so tired I want to cancel my appointment at the wound clinic but yet I find this inner strength to push myself and get movin'...and like today I'm so tired that my muscles hurt and it makes it worse to try and do what I need to do and all I wanted to do was come home after the appointment and get him situated after lunch and take a nap...I kept dozin' in and out cause the phone started ringing...and I finally gave up napping...and his younger brother and wife came over...a good visit and offers of help to give them a call...as always we appreciate everyones offers and we are keeping them in mind for when we will start needing them...Shaun is going to help Thursday morning to get Tim in the van and over to Mesa View for lab draws (that has to be done every week for 3 weeks on Thursday morning) and Shaun is coming over after work Friday morning as I have to leave at 7:15 a.m. to my wound care appointment...someone want to offer if he can't make it??? as of tonight he said he'd be here...til I get back from Georgetown and then he could get some sleep for graveyard shift that night...like I said he's really been a sweetheart in helping out here...
Yes, I'm still working on the will, living will, and power of attorney between all that is going on and my wanting to take naps to keep my strength up...and my wound appointments...I've got to to slip in some grocery shopping in next couple days...
So glad to see him able to eat a little more today...he's hungry but has a hard time eating yet...K said if still not helping with the compazine to call her again as well and she'll give him another script to help him want to eat...like prednisone...it can make you want to eat especially if dose more than 10mg which I'm on daily for sarcoidosis in my lungs...but we'll see over next few days or so...he managed to eat couple bites of meatloaf slice and 1/2 cup mashed potatoes and 1/2 cup of applesauce tonight...well, guess I'll call it a night still have some other things to do and it's only 8p.m....everyone take care and be careful...much luv to all...nite <3

Changes...

Changes have come about since I got up this morning that we weren't expecting to happen so soon...I had my alarm to go off at 6:30 a.m. so I would be ready and we could go see ma....we do every Sunday...when I came out to the living room he was in pain with his right leg...the cane nor the one crutch helped him...why didn't you holler at me...cause you needed your sleep...but I don't need you to fall and make anything worse...
Today seemed like one thing after another and just go go go...Tam went to ma's, then church and someone had an electric wheelchair for him to use...not sure it was going to work but this evening we changed our minds...we had some friends come over and they built a ramp outside from the front porch to walk way...then moved the sofa sleeper to living room along with the coffee table and put the futon out in the family room and also moved out the lazy boy chair and makes it roomier...he hops onto (I should say creeps) the wheel chair and gets around a lot easier but I am there to help...I don't need him to fall and break anymore bones...we are still waiting for the plastic cast...should be here around 20th...and then its fitted to his left arm and he can take off whenever as it's velcro closing...it's almost like trying to get around on one leg and using only one arm...so I've got to be there for him for extra support...between me, the desk chair, the wheel chair and cane...we're making it work...this new change on furniture is a lot better...
I have been trying to get so much done last few days after fridays wound clinic appointment for me and being in Georgetown longer than I thought...I was at wound clinic an hour and a half instead of ten or fifteen minutes...they got a bit behind with the new report paperless system...but I finally got will, power of attorney and living will declaration drafted for him to check over and make sure that's what he wants and then make any changes and print legal copy and get them notarized...it's been a long day too...tried laying down today for a little bit...but when my phone starts to ring I give up on naps because the phone will keep ringing and ringing and ringing...lol...and today was one of those days...EVERYthing has worked out for today afterall...I will be placing a call to his doctor to let him know we need a automated wheelchair and mention the cough he has picked up now for about a week...he gets his weekly blood work on Thursday morning since he started the SUTENT last Thursday eve at five p.m....well, I guess I'm going to call it a night it's 12:10 a.m. and I still have my breathing treatment to do and check to see if he's doing okay before bed...Nite all...

If Tomorrow...

Just received this morning from my aunt and I had to post in blog
for all to see...thanx and much luv to all...will write later...



If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me and I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things, we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready, in heaven far above,
And that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I’d say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized, that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne,
He said, “This is eternity, and all I’ve promised you.”
Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day’s the same way, there’s no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.
But you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me.

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me, I’m right here, in your heart.

Author Unknown

Busy...

Today has been busy...I was going to use it as another day of just backing away from everything and take a second day to rest up...but I got up this morning and felt I needed to get some stuff done...It might have happened this way because of what he said last night Wednesday...he keeps looking around and sees things that need to be done and he's not able to so I'm trying and he rambled off stuff and I said whoaaaa down...I'm getting them done and he popped off and said he doesn't have time...that kind of scared me...so I hope I'm not reading more into that than is necessary but it's his body and he knows how he is feeling...

After getting breakfast...I was still just feeling too tired and I had to lay down and cat nap and sorry it lasted for about an hour and a half...then I got cleaned up and went over to City Hall and purchased a burial plot where two cremations were allowed to be buried in one plot and then I headed to his work and dropped off some papers to Michelle and I wasn't expecting it but got caught off guard and broke down crying in front of Michelle...and we talked for a little bit until I pulled myself together...and then went grocery shopping and said hi and talked with the friend I made in the bakery...she is really a sweetheart to me...and she asked how he hurt his arm and I started to tell her but broke down crying again...and she came out to talk with me and hugged me and I made her cry too...I felt so bad and it just seems to be hitting me more and more...surprise our youngest boyfriend showed up and helped me finish with the shopping...he made two other stops for me so I could go straight home and get something to eat for him...I pretty much fix what he is hungry for and it's not much but it's something like cheddar bacon potato wedges...that's all he was hungry for...I know not exactly ideal to eat...

Then I proceeded to cut off and hem up three sweatpants for him and worked on a sewing a music player(mp3) pocket holder with strap and it turned out pretty good...daughter's boyfriend liked so I said I'd make him one too...don't take long...

He said he would try some chicken soup tonight with a few crackers with cheddar cheese slices...he ate all the soup and a little bit of the cheese and crackers...OH YEAH...the medicine came in today while I was gone...and I read it over and he started it tonight at 5pm...50mg Sutent once a day for 28 days and then off two weeks and in between he sees the doctor and get more written orders for blood work if everything going good and start another 28 days after that two weeks again...and this will continue for three months if all blood work okay and then do the bone scan and pray that the sutent helped...

After my wound appointment tomorrow in Georgetown...I'll come home and start working on the Living Will, will and testament and I believe a Trust will....got to check all the legal stuff and consult with a lawyer....

We did find out that after workers comp closes the case then short term disability at work will kick in and last for six months and then before ends will to paperwork for long term disability and/or if time start social security and depending if he's still here...HOPE....better go have early day tomorrow...gOOD nITE....

Unwind...

I'm unwinding today...slept in til about nine a.m. on couch so I could listen for him on the futon...he said it was really comfortable and if it hadn't been for taking milk of magnesia...lol...he probably would have slept almost all night...we'll see how tonight goes...

He's done nothing but sleep after I've fixed breakfast and then I thought two standbys was going to be too much for him and it was...he had to spit out the last bit...he said he was pushing himself to eat...told him not too...that if its' just small portions every three or four hours like kids bites at least he is getting nourishment in him...he didn't eat lunch and after helping him change clothes and taking next dose of two morphine pills at one p.m. he laid back down and slept til three p.m....he is going to continue to go to coffee if he feels okay...but my honest truth I think he is pushing himself...Red came and got him tonight...daughter sent him /us a text and I answered back for him and told sister that he wanted her to call him...Charli did...he was needing some cheering up and encouragement...those two have such a dad/daughter bond just like she was his own...I'm glad for that cause her father SURE made no attempt...her father figured she'd be better off not knowing him...if only they knew how much an injustice that is to the kids and how it makes them feel unloved and unwanted but my honey bear sure made up for it...

I'm trying to watch movies to get my mind free and geared up for more stuff to do maybe tomorrow for sure on Friday...I have another wound clinic appt in Georgetown...and as much as I hate to think about it and don't want to do it...I have to go to City Hall and see about purchasing a plot and get "Living wills" done and also a "Living Directive" for hospitals/doctors...he doesn't want to be kept on life supports...I know it sounds awful and I'm sorry if no one wants to read this part...but he's/me wanting things to be ready cause he doesn't want it all on my shoulder afterwards...I'm about ready to call doctor and tell him I think he needs something more than morphine or different strength unless meds coming tomorrow will take some of it away after it starts working (Hoping) and possibly a hovearound...I told him he has to talk to me and let me know how he's doing and feeling or I can't get the help he needs...It seems odd we're trying to live as normal a life as possible but he can't hardly do nothing anymore and even getting around is getting tooooooo hard but yet get all the proper stuff done and in place....well you all enjoy your evening and oh, yea his plasic cast (can't think proper name) will be here in 20 days and he said that would be okay...gOOD eVE...

Productive....

Productive...whoo hoo....my appointment for my shoulder and the wound is getting smaller and with new fresh skin cells...at least thats the way they tell it to me...lol...

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa...got in to vote no long lines...cause he can't stand for very long anymore...getting bad for him....

Then went to his doctors appointment with bone specialist and he's agreed that surgery with a rod wouldn't probably be the best now, so Tim's to see therapist to get fit for a plastic cast that velcros on so he can be more comfortable and hope his arm does heal in time...

Then got home and a message was on the machine and I couln't make out who called but did get the phone number and I called....YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! it was the mail order pharmacy and they got the rest of the info they needed and said it would be shipped and delivered FED EX on Thursday...it would be a month to month basis by calling the doctor to verify another months supply and also to call us week before shipping by FED EX that he is still taking it each month....his copay is $20 a month and doctor was a bit off in the amount of the medicine....not $3-4000 a month but $6974.39 for a months supply....yeaaaaaaaaa, that's what I said...so we are so thankful that the insurance approved it...it will give him a fighting chance now and we'll know for sure after three months on SUTENT...when they do another bone scan....I feel so hopeful...but seeing him day to day is another story...he can't hardly get around at times...got sweet Shaun to hang around today to help out expecting a package to heavy for either of us and then it doesn't show up...tomorrow after I called to find where it was...but also helped move and clean up the Futon and makeup for Tim for sleep on and I have to agree it is comfortable...better than the couch he's been sleeping on...and if needs to we can lay flat for him....he's kind of picked up a cough today and if it continues...he's going in to get it checked out to be sure he's not got walking pneumonia or something....and he didn't hardly eat today...trying to make sure he gets some protein in him and not just all carbs...he only wanted crackers tonight and I convinced him to try some cheese with it...and he was having a hard time getting it down as he really wasn't hungry...it's like giving him baby portions...and then he can't always finish that and I told him not to worry as long as he eats a little something for strength...

Not to change the subject but TV has announced that "Obama" is the elected president and its only a little after eight p.m. here...wow...

I hope and pray that all are doing well and whatever problems everyone is having or goring through or sorrows that my prayers are with you as well...much luv to all and take care...gOOD nITE...a little bird said he's going to have a SURPRISE visit on Thxgvg...whoo hoo...shhhhhhhhhhhhh.....mwah...lol...

Frustrating...

Today started out okay...he had an appointment with his family doctor to let him know what was going on so that if and when things change that the doc would know with my phone...Then we went over to his work and it was hard for him to tell Michelle that he wasn't quitting but that he wouldn't be able to work again and he explained why. She's going to push workers comp and find out whats going on there so that short term disability can kick in next til whenever and check on the health insurance going over to cobra and how much...
And here's where I start getting upset because I feel like I'm getting the run around with the insurance. The oncologist office called the prescription insurance last week on Wednesday and got approval and that the insurance was to call us to get more info before shipping...nobody called so I called Friday after my two appointments. I had to call the doctor's office to have prescription called in...the doctor's office was closed so I tried today. Kristine called me back immediately and gave me a number and name to call...I called the prescription mail order number and they explained that it was called in by doctor but were waiting for the main prescription office to approve so they could send out...but the doctor office said it was already approved to get Sutent...it's PENDING...called back to Rx main office and all I wanted to know was HOW LONG BEFORE WE GOT IT...blah blah blah and duh it would help speed it up if I was to go online to set up mail order account...so how long will it take???? blah blah blah...all I want to know is HOW LONG....3-5 days for final approval and then another 7-10 days for shipping....I started losing it and so fine...I'll get the account set up online but PLEASE expedite ASAP...we need to get him started on it to see if it's going to work and prolong his life...he's going down hill too fast and it's been already a month while doing tests and getting results...he's hurting so bad by the time we got home this morning that he had to take two morphine pills and not one...and I'm not sure he's going to be able to vote tomorrow!!!!!!!! and I'm afraid if someone was to bump him he would totally screaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmm bloody murder...the slightest touch to that arm and he goes thru the ROOF....anyway, I'm waiting for a response from the insurance and said I would even pay FED EX to get it here sooner to get him started on it....we'll see....
Oh, guys pray that he can hold on...he's trying to convince everyone he's a fighter which he has been in the past but when he gets home it totally a different story and this is different situation this time...he's got most everybody fooled....he may be tough and hard-core on the outside but he's just a soft teddy bear inside...lol...that's why I luv him so much...I'm sorry I'z got to go....luv you all and take care of yourselves....

Not a whole lot...

Not a whole lot to let you know about right now...he's doing a lot of sleeping and not sure how the morphine is helping him...he says it is but has a lot of pain when his body muscles twitch and causes his arm especially to jerk and shoot pain through it...can't find any where comfortable yet...thinking about moving the futon from porch to living room...he said it seems to be fairly comfortable to lay on...
He's doing a lot of crying anymore...I just have to say "WHY...." but it's not my place to question that there's a reason for it and I will/we will know soon enough....
I'm trying to get laundry done plus nap off and on today myself...listened to VH1 and CMT Top 20 video countdowns today...last couple of weekends I have forgotten...totally spaced out...I definitely can't forget to watch November 28th on CMT...hopefully Lance will pick Charli's letter for "What are you Thankful For"...
Gotz to go the dryer buzzin' and I think my cell is buzzin' too...somebody must've called...have a gOOD wEEKEND...