Pain...

As much as I'm sorry to say, his pain seems to be increasing since his trip to the doctor on Thursday...I wished he had taken the offer to have something stronger but he refused...I have pain patches but they always seem to make him sick...percocet, he doesn't want to use again yet...makes him too out of it...he's allergic to morphine...it almost put him on his death bed in the beginning back in November 2008...

He is hurting he says in the left side where his kidney is and left shoulder/arm...I asked if he wanted me to sleep on couch so I am closer to hear him easier and he said no...just to set my alarm to be sure to get up...he wasn't sure what time he would get up...

He was okay long enough for me to go to store to pick up prescriptions and a few groceries tonight but the pharmacy was already closed half hour before and when I got done and leaving I didn't see her but she hollered at me-Lar...we chatted a few minutes and she is coming by in the morning with ma to see how he is doing...I said don't expect much as he hasn't been feeling too good last few days...he got sick again when Red was here visiting yesterday eve...

I know I'm probably all over the wall bouncing from one thing to another but I am putting down as it comes into my head...my apologies...I just...I'm afraid this might be the down side coming on...I hope not...I don't know what else to say...I will be posting probably a bit more often...

Prayers are needed for his pain to lessen and for me to have strength to be strong for him...our prayers as well go out to everyone who is having health issues, personal issues or what is going on in your life...take care be safe and much luv to all...I am very glad I ran across that "Dancing with God"...

Spiritual...

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Submitted by: Nancy Schiener

Docs today....

Hello...As usual the trip is always hard on him and so he sleeps several hours after getting home...I hated to wake him for his meds at 3 pm...if I don't then he hurts more from taking late...

His blood pressure was good 123/73 and his weight is down to 163-a six pound loss in a month...labs were okay...doc ask how things were and Tim let him know and I had some input...he doesn't want to do the infusion anymore and doc said fine that he could always change his mind...tried talking to him on way home about it but we would go with what he is feeling...just reminding him we may not be able to afford after this month as not sure how the Medicare and medigap insurance is going to work for him in paying...talked about tired, no energy...his eating, said how his pain in low back bothering him and doc suggested increasing his pain meds...Tim said no not yet...doc offered hospice so he wouldn't have to make the trips to Georgetown and the home nurse could dispense his meds to him...Tim said no again...he said he is bound and determined he's going to be here for his daughter's graduation from college...I don't think he stopped to realize...that is 3 semesters of school yet and then graduation for her Bachelors Degree in Elementary Education...he's trying to keep uplifted but it seems to get harder for him and yes, it does good for him to see family and friends but he did admit to doc he does put up a front so they don't worry...anyway...

He is scheduled again to see the doctor October 9th but before hand he is getting labs done on September 29th and then next day have CT of chest, abdomen, pelvic area and luckily we can have that one done here at Mesa View...then on October 2nd we'll go to Georgetown for the four hour process of nuclear shot, wait and then have whole body bone scan done...like Tim said seems like we just had that all done, it was just back on July 17th when it was done...not sure again what the insurances will pay...sure hope it covers everything cuz there isn't any money left out of budget to cover paying anything else...sure can't squeeze blood out of a turnip...lol...

I had went to doc last week to get blood work and new prescriptions for me...there were a lot of highs and lows but nothing too much to be concerned about yet...doc wants to nip in bud before it gets too far but there has been tiny increases in one of the tests showing something going on with my kidneys...he has referred me to a neuphrologist-kidney specialist...I have appointment to get labs done in morning which take two weeks to get results and then after my appointment with another doctor about changing one of my meds or several cuz the way I have been feeling but also how my blood pressure readings have been low...too low for me...then after see him, I go back over to hospital to get a Renal Ultrasound (kidney) with a full bladder...ugggh...I have to drink at least 32-40 oz. water hour before and hold during ultrasound....so I am going to have a busy day tomorrow...my appointment with neuphrologist is September 9th...I do hope I have that letter in my hand from cobra insurance next week so I can get my medigap insurance through United American...for underage...lol...

So, life has been busy this week and HOT again...suppose to kool down....phewwwww just saw weather on news NOT kooling down yet-uggghhh...I hope the weather isn't going to be a roller coaster of ups and downs til it finally kools off....anyway...

My prayers are with everyone and with it being a TGIF...whoo hoo...I hope you all have a gr8 weekend...take care be safe and much luv to elf...eryone....:D

Month now...

Hi everyone...yes, it's been a month...there really hasn't been a whole lot to tell...on his last doctor's visit a month ago the doctor said his six month tests were similar but even then Tim has said and still is saying, "I don't care what the doctor says but I feel there are changes going on in me."

These past couple of weeks and this going into the third week...I can see tiny changes...more sleeping, harder to eat, no energy, sometimes loosing his food...he has finally backed off on how much he eats so he doesn't loose his food...going for coffee is harder too as he wears out real easily and then sleeps pretty much the rest of the day...he eats mostly fruit in morning with his meds and then has like a bowl of soup, a few crackers and a couple slices cheese for lunch and then I am always asking what sounds good to him for dinner...based on that I fix what he thinks he can eat and I go from there on what to fix for me...if not the same...Sundays is a day he likes to try some roast from crockpot with onions, tators and carrots...he still is careful about how much he eats even if he still feels hungry...main staple is fruit cups, soup, something for dinner and maybe jello...oh, he is back to using the compazine if any nausea kicks up...

He was suppose to get his infusion monthly but because of the way he has been feeling, I cancelled the appointment last week until we see doctor tomorrow...he got his blood work done on Tuesday for doctor...

Now as for insurance, after about a month and half of searching and calling...I have us both signed up for prescription part D...one so we don't get penalized which starts September 1st...I got him signed up for a medigap insurance after medicare to help pay what medicare doesn't...but for me in the State of Nevada if you are under 65 on disability there is no coverage except with United American and another one called Liberty something...but I have to have in my hand a "Certificate of Credible Insurance Coverage Letter" before I can even apply for medigap insurance for underage...hahahaha...isn't that a KICK...assuming I will be approved and you are suppose to be with that letter no matter what your health if and I say "IF" you do within 63 days of that certificate...so I am waiting for that letter as Tim had me type one to send to the cobra insurance stating his Medicare kicks in on September 1st...daughter is waiting for a copy so she get her insurance picked out...

We are hoping with the insurance premiums and deductibles on medicines and then making it until the donut hole they call in prescription part D that we can make it through til the end of the year without pulling what little bit there is left in savings...not sure if we would even qualify for a mortgage modification to lower the house payments at least until he passes as I don't want to move him...it would be too hard...when that time comes I know I will have to sell the house which is sad...I won't give up my dog either...lol...

Well, I have to get off here and get some sleep for in the morning...you all take care and our prayers are with everyone...near or far...hugs and kisses to all and don't take things for granted...God Bless all....<3

It weird both Tim and Jack seem to be gasping off and on for their breath...must be the way they are breathing in their sleep...good night :)