This was written by my gdaughter and I was really impressed (for English class)...hope she gets an A+....have box kleenex on hand....
There will always been one day that I will never forget as long as I live; the day my grandpa, Tim Casbin Shaner, passed away from cancer. He was the wisest person I have ever met. If you had a dilemma he would try his best to help you using his past experiences. My grandpa was a very kind, gentle and understanding person, but when needed he was stern and forceful. On the exterior he appeared to be a rough, angry person but on the inside he was nothing but a soft, kind teddy bear. Tim may have not been my biological grandpa; however he was there from the day I was born until the day he passed away. He was there for the good times and the bad times. I turned to him numerous of times for advice or to just talk about what was new in our lives. One day he was talking to my mom on the phone and he told her that he was diagnosed with cancer and it was spreading fast. This was just the beginning of the eagles’ journey, my grandpa’s journey.
I woke up Tuesday October 27th of this year feeling tired and very uneasy, as if deep in my subconscious I knew something very wrong was about to happen. That morning I went about my usual routine of getting ready to catch the bus, but that uneasy feeling left me feeling sick and unable to move around. I found my dad in the kitchen filling up his mug of coffee. Since my mom was leaving to go to Mesquite Nevada, where my grandparents lived, I knew I had to ask him if I would be able to stay home. Slowly walking up to him I asked quietly,
“Daddy, can I stay home? I’m not feeling very well.”
Of course my dad didn’t want me to miss anymore school so he said no but that he would ask my mom what she thinks. I went back to my bedroom waiting for my dad to tell me what he and my mom had decided on. About ten long minutes later my dad walked into my room and stated in a dry tone,
“Your mother said you can stay home, so before we leave to go to the airport I will call you in sick, but that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want today.”
I knew I had work that day as well, so I asked him if I should call in for that day as well. He looked at me and said,
“That will all depend on how you’re feeling later on today.”
After that uncomfortable short conversation I laid back down in bed trying as hard as possible to try and push aside the pain and thoughts that raced through my mind. The next thing I knew it was around noon and my stomach was growling. Mustering up as much strength as possible I walked downstairs to grab a quick snack and a cold drink to silence the obnoxious sounds of my stomach. My dad was still out working so I was home alone. That thought of being alone loomed over my mind for the rest of the day. Time flew by and I was feeling better enough to go to work. My dad and sister both arrived home around 3:30 p.m. I told my dad that I was feeling well enough to go to work and that I had to be there by four and I would get off around nine. Work went by slowly and during that time I was thinking about my grandpa, how he was doing, if he was in pain and various other things. Finally it was nine o’clock and I was off work waiting for my dad to pick me up. When I got in the car loud music was booming through out the car and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. My dad had to check on a neighbor’s house so I sat in the car waiting for him to finish so we could go home. By that time I started to notice something was bothering him,
I asked, “What’s the matter dad?”
He looked at me with sad eyes, a monotone voice and said, “Nothing, just a long day at work.”
So on the way home we sat in silence, time moving even slower than before. My thoughts started racing and my heart dropped as I walked into the house to see my sister staring off into space with a dead expression on her face.
I hurried over to her and bent down to her level and asked,
“What’s wrong with you? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
Just like my dad she looked at me and told me, “Nothing. I’m fine.”
Feeling left out and completely confused I went to my room and began changing out of
my work clothes. While in that process I heard my dad yell,
“Melissa come downstairs I need to talk to you!”
That immediately gave it away, something happened either with my mom or my grandpa.
Replying to my dad quickly I yelled back,
“Coming, I’ll be down in one sec!”
By the time I got downstairs my dad was standing in front of the couch where my sister was sitting still and emotionless. He pointed toward the couch and I knew he wanted me to sit next to my sister. This only made my heart sink lower and lower. My heart was racing faster than a thorough bred horse and I could feel tears welling up. My dad turned toward us and took a deep breath before saying,
“Melissa, I’m sure you can tell by your sister that something happened earlier. I received a call earlier that your pappy [grandpa] passed away before your mother made it in town.”
At that moment my brain shut down and my heart broke, tears started falling down my face like a water fall. There was no way to control anything, my body was completely useless. I had no control over what I said or did. I tried talking but my words didn’t come out, the only thing that slipped through my lips were wheezes and sobs. My dad tired to comfort me with a hug, but I screamed,
“NO! Get away! I don’t want to be touched!”
I ran screaming at the top of my lungs,
“I hate you god, you don’t exist, all you do is put me through pain, I HATE YOU!”
In the safety of my room I let all my emotions of run wild. Still unable to control my body I began to throw; books, make up, pictures, anything that I could get my hands on it was flying toward the wall in one swift movement. Of course, being a concerned my dad barreled up the stairs and swung open the door to find me lying on my floor motionless sobbing and still chanting,
“There is no god, there is no god!”
My dad told me that everything would be fine, that the pain would eventually fade away and I would only remember the good memories and the bad would just disappear, but at that moment in time the pain engulfed me and wouldn’t go away. Everyone tried to comfort me but it was of no use, part of my heart was missing and there was no way of getting it back. Finally after gathering what strength I could, I call my boyfriend and told him I needed him here with me. Before I could gather myself and stop bawling he was at my house holding me in a hug telling me,
“Melissa everything will be okay, just try to breath and calm down, there was nothing you could have done. Just calm down and you will be fine I promise.”
The way he spoke to me seemed to relieve some of the pain but not enough to calm me down, my crying only became more heave and I could barely talk, but somehow I managed to say,
“ I never got to say goodbye, or I love you. He will never know how much he meant to me. I haven’t seen him in almost two years. He wont be able to see me graduate or be at my wedding. He’s gone, he’s really gone. Please tell me I’m dreaming!”
“No, your not dreaming Melissa, I’m sorry. Your pappy knew how much you love him and how much he meant to you. He will see you from where ever he is Melissa, he will always be with you no matter what.”
There was nothing left to say, my boyfriend had said it all. I stopped crying for the moment and started to think about what I had said to my family and how wrong I was. For the remainder of the night after my boyfriend left I laid in my sister’s bedroom unable to sleep. We talked about how much we missed pappy. All the good times we had with him and what he meant to us. It seemed to help ease the pain having my sister there to talk to. Finally around four in the morning I was able to fall asleep. The worst day of my life was over, but I knew so many more difficult days were just ahead of me.
This was the worst experience with death that I had ever experienced up to this day. Before that night I never let someone’s passing affect me as much as my pappy’s. My pappy to me was like an eagle; proud and strong. Someone could look at him and tell that he was a fighter, even during his battle with cancer he fought to stay with his family and friends. That night will always be in my mind and heart until the day my wings are replaced with a new and different pair of wings just like my eagle, my hero, and my only pappy.
call it or sand mountain-tehe) and see occasional semi truck going by on the I15 northbound...wonder why I love it here...weather cool, crisp but I have the view of alot showing me scenes from home - Alaska and yet view of my home from becoming a desert monke:D (monkey)...I think nicer than saying desert rat...LOL...
the b e a u t i f u l sunsets I get to see or the skies dark enough to see the stars/heart moon...lol...at night 
even with the casinos lights...I don't think I can live anywhere else but here but do wish my family lived closer...
