One month, three days...

I look over this past month and wonder where the time went...of course, busy with the house in getting ready for putting on the market for sale...my sister was here for awhile and oldest daughter extended her time til December (she's laid off - hopefully she finds work even if out here hint hint...lol)...youngest daughter had to go back to college and work...so much has gotten done but still allot to do...but the living areas are pretty much cleared out of excess stuff...just need to start going through closets and cupboards and pack what I'm going to keep that don't need to use right now and then put rest in yard/moving sale...

MOVING/YARD Sale...Friday, December 4Th NOON to 4 pm

and

Saturday, December 5Th 8 am to 4 pm

Oak bookcases 1-7' 3-3', Oak Futon, Oak computer desk, Pro-form

Cross Walk treadmill, log pole porch swing, Frigidaire freezer, dorm

refrigerator and many more things...

Yard Sale again the next weekend too....Friday 11Th and Saturday 12Th

both days 8 am to 4 pm...

1798 sq ft, 0.16 lot, 3 bdrm, 2.5 bath, ceiling fans, stove, microwave, garbage disposal

dbl car garage, laundry room off kitchen and craft room off laundry room which

can be converted to 4Th bdrm with private entrance...big picture window in

living room and one in family room to let plenty of light in from both North

and South of the house...8'x10' shed on slab behind house;

water softener, R/O, central air/heat, dishwasher all put in new 2008, plenty

privacy, quiet neighborhood...contact Merlin Hafen - Desert Gold Realty

Front house

Screened in back porch

3rd Bedroom/guestroom

Family room

Living room

Kitchen

Sorry to say this is the saddest chapter in my life...it's on hold for now until there

is a buyer for the house and I move into an apt. and then I can move more forward

with my life...who knows maybe I'll fly to the moon...right!!!!! NOT...LOL...

For what it's worth, I am doing okay, better than I thought...I am sadden Tim isn't

with us but know he is no longer in pain or suffering...the girls and I feel like he's doing

his inventory hours at Primex and just hasn't come home but we DO realize he is gone...so

don't worry...although, if you was to read some of my comments on FB you'd think I was

a lit'l crazy...lol...or lost my luney...good thing I have a sense of humor...uhhhh....;)

Well, there are other rooms to the house but never got pics of them - like Master bdrm

and bath with jet tub/shower...2nd bdrm larger than 3rd and another full bathroom...half

bathroom is same area as laundry room...

Anyway, I'm going to sign off for now and hope to post more down the road...luv to all,

be safe and give plenty of hugs...;) <3

MySpace Comments & MySpace Layouts


Roses are Red
Forget Me Nots are Blue
My Roses are White
For My Eternal You...<3


to say my Tim has passed away on Tuesday, October 27, 2009 at 2:47 p.m at home in Mesquite....from a yearlong battle with stage 4 kidney cancer...

Graveside services will be held on Monday, November 2, 2009 at 12:00 p.m. (noon) at the Mesquite Cemetery. Interment will be in the Mesquite Cemetery under the direction of Virgin Valley Mortuary, 702-346-6060...An online guest book is available for those not able to attend at www.virginvalleymortuary.com

Your condolenses, well wishes, prayers are all appreciated...our girls are here with me as our oldest flew in from Indiana to surprise her dad but didn't make it in time due to circumstances out of her hands and neither did our college girl...I have a sister who came out to help with Tim not knowing he would be passing so soon...she will stay with me as needed to help me sort, pack, etc...

I don't know for sure what I am going to do at this time in my life...as the first song "Thank You" by Johnny Reid plays it expresses allot of what we both felt for each other and yet a better one than that is "Thank You" by Keith Urban...a new chapter in my life is starting and it's a bit scary...

I guess I will continue this journey by myself and yes, I will continue to blog...I still have my artsy/crafty stuff and g-kids to see raised...one still yet to marry...whether I continue to live here or Henderson or Noblesville is yet undecided...pray that you all are blessed and enjoying fam and friends...God Bless <3

Collasped...

I got him settled for the night and he has seemed a bit agitated most the evening so gave him meds to help calm him down...kept wanting to have that cigarette but managed to convince him not to...he kept saying he was afraid to go out and have one...he couldn't tell me why so I said don't go have one and he decided to lay back down...I just barely got settled down and started to dose off and he was trying to get up to go out and have that cigarette but was afraid...

I got him up and put his coat on him and he went out on the back porch but when he came back in he said something suddenly and headed for frig but collasped on me in the wheelchair...keeled over in the chair...almost like he quit breathing...I wasn't expecting that to happen...I mean I know changes are going to be coming but not that...crying I hurried up and grabbed the portable oxygen and got it going and kept talking to him...breathe please just breathe...I managed to get the chair close to the kitchen cabinet where the phone was and called hospice...told them Sheila is the one that usually sees him...answering service got a hold of her and I talked with her on the phone and she would be over in about 20 minutes...not to move him...

Then out of the blue he sat up and his breathing picked up and he insisted I help him get back into bed...I got the wheelchair over to the bed as close as I could and properly got him up and into bed...put the other oxygen machine on him...he was so pale, calmy and dripping wet like he got out of the shower...she checked him over and told me what to expect that I would start seeing some drastic changes...but she couldn't put any time to it...I have been trying to prepare myself this past year but I know it's not the same as when it actually happens...this just TOTALLY caught me off guard and Sheila said I had done right by calling her...she will call me at about 10 a.m. before coming over...it's just a matter of keeping him as comfortable as possible...calm...I've decided he couldn't drive his Harley and that I was suspending his driving privileges...tehe...trying to keep myself together...at times this evening now thinking back on it...there were a few times he seemed confused...

I am considering taking my sister's offer to come out to help and cancelling my appointment with eye doctor on Friday...I ain't leaving his side...so girls be prepared for that call unless you are here already...it's too fast...I got to get some rest...lvu <3

Disoriented...

I always set the cell alarm for 3 a.m. for his meds...but when I woke it was only 2:20 a.m. and he was sitting in his wheelchair...asked why he didn't holler and said he didn't know...so I got him back into bed and I sat at the kitchen table waiting for 3 a.m. to roll around to give him his meds...he hollered at me bout 2:45 a.m. and wanted to know when he had his last cigarette and as far as I knew it was about an hour before he went to bed...asked me if I thought he should go have one at bedtime and I said probably not as it wires him up and makes him more agitated and restless...so he didn't...but back to meds time...gave him his meds after he went for a cigarette and helped him back into bed...put his water back in the frig and he was trying to talk to me...said wait a minute I would come over and sit with him while he talked...more like trying to gasp air into his lungs with every word...

He was saying that when he woke up he felt disoriented, thought he was going down a street in Mexico no chair no one around trying to find a bathroom and when he comes round the corner there's this "Beautiful Angel" talking to him and then he realizes it me his Angel...;) I couldn't hold it back anymore...he wanted a small light left on so when he woke up again he wouldn't be disoriented...said he felt cold like an iceberg...I covered him up with two blankets and sat with him for awhile until I decided to blog...he seems to be resting peacefully again...

I should go back to bed and get more sleep but am too wide awake right now...listening to music as I blog too...our youngest came home for a day and she said it was hard to see him like this...to be sure to call her if any changes...I do wish our oldest was closer...I do hope she'll be able to get out here soon...her employer is laying her off end the week...has known this for a month but no other jobs have come available yet...

He woke again at 5:17 a.m. and said he had to go...got him on the commode but unable to go...that has been happening quite a bit lately too...got him some water and back into bed...drenched from sweating so change his shirt I believe the 4th time today...just washed his sheets Saturday and will need to change again in morning...

I'm not ready for him to go...we've got 24 beautiful years together and 23 of them married and with all the pitfalls...you know peaks and valleys...it's been interesting, fun, loveable and it's hard to see another change in my life...one that feels like it'll be turned upside down...

Well, I guess I'll go back to bed for couple more hours...keeping everyone posted best I can thru this blog, myspace or facebook...

One last thing daughter dear think the new pic of me since lost some weight and no makeup and hair down tehe makes me look like a witch...LOL...I hope the "Good Witch"...luv to all and don't take anything for granted...;)

What do I say...

Tim Oct 21, 2009 evening

The pastor came by today and it was a nice visit...he is the assistant pastor at our youngest's church here in town...he will be coming again end of next week...I'm glad I said it was okay for him to come...he has said he isn't afraid to die but just not ready yet...the pastor asked if he had concerns and of course he said he was worried about me...with good reason my world will be turned upside down and my biggest decision is where to next...I have been praying on this one and at times try to be quiet so God can lead me in the right direction...I have Indiana, Henderson/Las Vegas or here where my comfort zone is...not sure I can afford to live here on my own since insurance and prescriptions are so expensive now that we have lost the work cobra insurance...

Sheila with hospice also called to see how he was doing and gave me a few more suggestions and that the doctor said no nebulizer treatment yet...to up the oxygen to 3 LTR...he is struggling still to breathe with ease...he's in worse shape to breathe than I ever was...unless I had pneumonia...he made several attempts today to start to get up and before he did...he was asleep again...food intake is back to 4 oz of Glucerne this morning, lunch couple bites coleslaw and tators/gravy and couple bites of applesauce this everning and another 4 oz glucerne at bedtime with meds at 11pm...I gave Sheila his vitals and she said I was doing fine and to keep doing what I was doing...to be sure to call her anytime, otherwise she would see us on Friday...

I feel like its happening so fast...I wasn't expecting the changes to start coming so soon...I mean we both noticed changes over the last two months but this past week or since the 9th after seeing the doctor it's really reality...:( He said today he doesn't feel right but couldn't pinpoint what it was...he knows just like dad did with mom...he knew too several months before and managed to get her Christmas gift...:) before he passed...

Tonight he is in a fitfull sleep if you call it that...hurts all over but won't take 20mgs instead of 17.5mg of pain meds...his body is failing him but his will to live is so strong...yes, he manages still to get up in that powered wheelchair to eat, use bathroom and have that cigarette out on the porch...he just can't go without it...no, he doesn't take the oxygen with him so by the time he gets back in he's more short of breathe...he was really sweating tonight but yet he said he was cold...my touching him he was warm...he's definitely talking more in his sleep...like he's talking one time to someone on the fone but he's not on the fone...then telling someone to come in thinking that someone is at the door...anyone who knows him-he has that loud voice...he questions things as he is starting to not remember...like his meds he took at 7pm tonite...he woke up and said he forgot to take them and I said no you didn't as I gave them to you...

He my proud strong-willed "Lion King"...;) I guess I best be getting off here...ya'll be safe, take care and much luv to all...I'm thankful for the friends we have, the new ones I've made and most assuredly Judy...pray for his comfort and for less pain...that when the time comes his transition will be easier...

Updates...

I am going to try and make this short as possible...was a busy long day for both of us and I am still trying to finish stuff up and get ready to get up early to run errands...

On October 9th after the doctor in Georgetown, we arrived home to find a message left by hospice...so I called and got it set up for them to come on Monday October 12th...also, on the way home I swung by Dixie Dialysis to get my 2nd booster shot of Hep B...Molly wasn't in so I called her on Tuesday to see what time was best for me to swing by on Wednesday when they were down from Georgetown in the Mesquite office...as explained before there is a series of 3 shots...my third one will be March 10, 2010...then 2 months after that I will need blood work to see if there are any antibodies showing up, if not I have to do the series again...this is a precautionary measure that if I do need dialysis then these shots will help prevent Hepatitis B...so my next appt with the doctor is December 9th but I have to have blood work done 10 days prior to see what my kidney functions are doing....

Anyway back to Tim...hospice came on Monday and did an intake assessment (file) and we set Tuesdays up every week for them to come in...he had lost another 2 pounds from Friday, Oct 9th...so total 13 pound loss since Aug 27th...but we were to call them for anything and not 911 as they handle everything...he has switched from medicare to medicare hospice benefits at 100% coverage...pray it is so because that blood just isn't going to drip from that TURNIP anymore...lol...

As the week passed on, he continues to have problems eating, drinking and still the dry heaves...I believe most of that is from the mucus build-up...rapid breathing then it slows down...congestion is more prominent and he was hiding it from me up til Saturday when his sister came over to visit (she was sick free) and he said he was struggling to breathe normally...I decided this morning I would call hospice to come a day early to evaluate him see if he did need to be on oxygen and possible breathing treatments to help clear some of the mucus up and make his breathing easier...he sure was sounding like a baby's rattle last night when breathing...

Sheila came by around 2pm and talking with us and getting his vitals called in for oxygen to be delivered asap...I would say within the hour after she left, they delivered the machine and 2 portable tall tanks for emergency use like when power goes out...he's to wear 24/7's then we'll see...I am back to helping him get in bed with lifting his legs...the oxygen seems to help but he still struggles...any kind of exertion or when he talks to you...you can really tell...we have raised his head up a little more to make breathing better too...it's so hard to see him like this when he use to walk out to the car at work when I would swing lunch by or wherever and he had this proud prance walk...like a "Lion King"....LOL...very strong and regal...it's not there anymore...:(
The last two days he is lucky if he's gotten a cup of food eaten...it's been more like liquids...he doesn't like Ensure so we got Glucerne and he seems to like it but likes my stuff even better :D...by Odwalla chocolate protein drink...he says that's the best yet...otherwise, he drinks a little water, 7-up and gatorade...
Sheila will call tomorrow to see how he is doing and possibly come by, if not then come by on Wednesday and then Friday...depending how he is doing then do Tuesdays and Fridays....the effort is to try and keep him as comfortable as possible but coherent...

Oh and poor little Jack is on an anti-imflammatory med and I will pick up some cartilage builder tomorrow...he's favoring his left leg...it bit of a birth defect but with old age coming on he's having some limping problems...but otherwise, he's frisky as ever and ah ah ah ah lets ya know when he is hungry for sure!...LOL...

Well, one more quik posting...Tim is acting a bit restless tonight...waking about every hour...I have been sleeping on the sofa in the livingroom for the past 2 weeks...just to be closer and to hear him better if needed...but most the time I am still up when his meds are due to take at 3 a.m....yah, I said 3 a.m...altho, last night Jacks and I slept on the loveseat...I thinking I will sleep there again tonight just due to the way he is acting...that way I don't have so far to go to help him...

Lastly but mostly for Ashley, granddaughters BF...prayers go out to her and her family in the loss of her gma...prayers go out to Rita's grandfather too...struggling with cancer as well...so many so much where ever
you turn or hear in a conversation or posting...someone is hurting, struggling, whatever and it makes you wonder when this desert time will be over...prayers go out to everyone everywhere...lastly again...good nite...gotchya...LOL...:D be safe much luv...me/;boo/happemom/Alicia

Congrats and suspicions...

Congrats are in order for our nephew Beau who has married today to Jamie Lynn...her family to have reception in Cedar City tonight and then his tomorrow evening in Mesquite...May you both have a long and B E A U T I F U L Life ToGeThEr....Luv Tim, Alicia, Tamra and Charlene

Suspicions have been there since probably a few weeks before Tim saw the doc the end of August as we were noticing changes slowly and they have progressed more little by little...doctor has had his suspicions too from looking at Tim and listening to what he is saying and this is why 2 of the 3 tests have been done last week...but also it was the 3 month check up time...however you want to word it...

Tim no longer has to have blood work before seeing the doctor since he will not be taking "Sutent" after this round he finished Wednesday, October 7th...it's not working anymore so the labs aren't needed if not taking it...as for the fluid in bottom right lung - since it's not enough to be concerned with yet and he isn't having any problems with breathing or hurting, then doc says leave well enough alone for time being...the CT is showing more progression but how much more we aren't sure yet...doc is still waiting for the comparision and has a stat call into the radiologist, as I want to know too...

We are going to continue as we have been - one day at a time...doc has orders in for hospice to call and set up visits for whenever we need them but for now we will use them once a month as if like a doctor's visit each month...the trips to Georgetown let alone the labs locally at hospital are too much for him anymore...so, V. V. Hospice will come by Monday and get it set up and since he has Medicare part A (hospital) it will be covered 100% but he also has part B and part D and a supplemental insurance as backup...this was my concerns...I'm not sure how much more blood I can drip from that TURNIP....lol...;)

So from the doc's scales, Tim has lost a total of 11 pounds since his visit August 27th 163 down to 152...he was feeling up to having me cut his hair yesterday (barely) and he shaved most of his face but I got the finer detail as he was wearing down fast...to my amazement he decided to crawl into the shower with the chair in the tub and got refreshed and not to embarrass or be graphic to anyone...he is sooooo skin and bone...I thought my bear had a tiny butt before...it's almost nothing now...:( and I am thankful I have not found any bedsores yet as much as he is in bed...that has always been my concern since it would be hard to get them to heal...he is ThAnKfUl that the CT showed his heart not effected yet, that he still has a strong HeArT to fight with and the StReNgTh of friends and family to uphold him as long as possible...

As the doc said, "It's not to say he has 3 months or 5 months but that for hospice care the doctors has to do it on a 6 month basis and if the patient goes on past that time they just renew the hospice care for another 6 months...so be optomistic, he is a fighter for as long as he feels he can be...

Luv and prayers to all of you out there and especially to those who have or are coming down with the flu...our niece in Idaho has the swine flu according to her doctor...pray that she has a speedy recovery...:D

ya'll have a gr8 weekend and be safe....much luv to all....

Appts...

Yeah, I got a pic of him sleeping after he shaved on Monday...now if we can just get his hair cut for him...I usually do it on the back porch with his clippers...have to play it by ear and see when he feels up to it...:)

It has been a busy week for me...took him to get his labs on Tuesday mornin' and that short trip to Mesa View wore him out...like anything does now days...so with the way he has been feeling, I had called the doctor on Monday and we decided to just do the lab on Tuesday and the CT was to be done on Wednesday with no contrast...that yucky stuff you have to drink...the doctor said it would still give him an idea of what was going on with him...even appts for Jack...his shots and then grooming/clipping...I don't think he was too happ:D with me on Wednesday...this he ran to his bed as he wasn't sure he wanted to go with me...he was just going to get groomed...tehe

I took him in an hour earlier for the CT chest/abdomen/kidney as the hospital changed the time on us since I guess he wasn't doing the drink...I have to say the x-ray tech didn't have a good bed side manner...made Tim a little nervous...anyway, told the tech that he has been getting the CT's done at Dixie and the last one done was July so they could compare or last October here at Mesa would be another one to use for comparison...again, we got home and he slept most the day...I made a bunch of phone calls and I think the phone also rang about 14 times that day...anytime the phone rings more than 2 times, I know I am not meant to have a nap...

Well, the doc's assistant Kay called lata Wednesday afternoon and was asking how he was doing and I let her know...but was concerned because the CT was showing some plural something in his right lung or in other words fluid...she asked if he was having problems breathing, I said no...any chest pain, I said no again...told her basically what was going on and that he still doesn't want hospice...in the mean time between now and his appointment on Friday, October 9th...she is going to request that the radiologist get the other previous CT's to compare to which they hadn't done and have more of an idea of what is going on with his lungs and when we go up to see the doc...possibly order a chest x-ray and if need be aspirate his right lung and drain that fluid off...she said it will hurt too...ugggghhh and he won't like that...but we'll see...his blood work was actually pretty good...so no worries there yet...

As for the insurance for me...to help pay what medicare doesn't...I have about another 29 days left of the 63 days allowed to get an individual health plan like a supplemental/medigap and even though I have the "Certificate of Credible Insurability Letter" the insurance company can still turn me down for pre-existing conditions...this is what the insurance agent locally told me and that is one of the reasons the health system has to be revised...this agent in town is unable to help me as she only does healthy individuals and 65 and over medicare supplemental/medigap insurances...and in order to get insurance in Nevada for underage "65" medicare supplemental/medigap the only insurance or two are United American or Liberty National...but I have to go to Vegas and be in front of the agent to fill out the application...I told the local agent that's too far and I won't leave him for very long...is there someone in Georgetown that I could go to...lol...only if they are licensed for Nevada too...she is licensed for Nevada, Utah and Arizona as we are a borderline town...

I finally received his medicare supplemental insurance kit and health card so that anything that Medicare doesn't pay that is allowable then the medigap insurance takes care of it...so far, we are just getting by but as time goes on I hope we won't have to call the bank and see about a modification on our mortgage even just for 6 months...a lots of things now days seems to be play it by ear expression...;)

Well, I think I brought ya'll up-to-date...oh, the weather is finally cooling off but has been windy as heck...with the weekend coming up be safe, take care and enjoy your loved ones...

HaPp:D bIrThDaY hOn...DaD...pApPy...RuFf RuFf

HAPP:D BIRTHDAY GREETINGS...TIM

Yes, today is his 65th birthday and I think by far one of the best yet...Kelvin and Chloe came by last night...ma and Larraine today for a few minutes with a Cake/Icecream combo...Tamra made a surprise trip home last night to be here for his birthday, but sadly had to leave at noon for college classes today...Freda his sister called saying her wishes too...Charli called wishing him a happy birthday and SURPRISE...flowers too...so pretty and uhhhmmmm smelllll sooooo good too...my gift for him is his favorite meal...my style of chicken fried steak, country gravy, mashed tators...yah, I know sounds like allot, but it will be the amount he has been able to eat...like a bird...LOL...

Sorry for the way the pictures posted on the blog...they all look discombobulated...lol...the best you going to get of me today with ponytail and no makeup...tehe...I know I have goofy words I use...the girls tell me I'm a dork or funn:D...that's me folks...yes, today has been good so far...including the weather...

As for other things, I went to pick up our prescriptions for this month on prescription part D...mind you I had $800 set aside...it came to $610.77 after discounted and both each $295.00 deductible met...oh and that doesn't include my testing strips...they are over $200 for 2 boxes so I am getting paperwork for the doctor to fill out beside myself to take back and run through Medicare Part B...which is suppose to cover 80% and then I pay the 20% so that may be around $40...but doctors office hasn't called back to say ready. Be my luck they will call about the time I start working on dinner...

Now, it's quiet and he's sleeping again...maybe I should take a nap too...I wish everyone who has b-day's this month a good, happ:D one especially those just in the last few days...Ramona, Tammy-my niece, Larraine-Tim's cousin and also long time friend Loye both as well Today too....be safe...be happ:D...much luv to all...

Fotos...

I asked him if he would weigh himself to see how much weight he has lost...he's down from 163 to 154 within three weeks of last seeing the doctor...

After cleaning the house, I took couple of pictures of him...full body and bust...he tries so hard to smile but it's not there...he did eat good tonight and seemed to perk up because Tamra was coming home til Sunday night as she has her practicum first thing Monday morning at Ruby Thomas Elementary School...practicum for those who don't know...it is where she will practice teach under her mentor teacher...she loves it...she has even made a comment that she will be disappointed when she has to leave them in December when her semester is up...

And we've been running hotttttt here last few days...110 degrees...suppose to start cooling off...nights are nice though...gosh I wish our families were closer together....:)

This is going to be short and wishing you all a hApP:D SuNdAy...:D

Frail...

Frail...not sure if that is the right word to say...he's lost more weight and I am not sure how much he weighs...should see if he can get on the scale...we think he starts doing good on eating and then he's back to having a hard time eating anything...like one step forward and then three steps backwards...:(

I am constantly looking at him when he sleeps...at times I have to look hard to see if he is still breathing...my heart starts to skip a beat and then I see his stomach moving up and down or a twitch of his hand move...

For the past week, I have felt like I'm here but yet in lalaland...if that makes any sense...I know it plays on the back of my mind and being on FB keeps me distracted while he is sleeping...crocheting or reading would just put me to sleep, so I find the games distract me from thinking about it til he wakes or needs me...

I want to do an updated picture but not sure if I feel comfortable taking one with him so frail and how he would feel...he needs a hair cut again and his beard shaved...he says he's not up to it...

The hardest part is keeping it together especially when he keeps telling me he loves me and it almost sounds like he's fighting back the tears when he says it...which I have to be strong for him and the girls as he says "suck it up or pull your boot straps up and go on".

I'm not even sure he is going to be up to going for blood work on Tuesday, September 29th and then the CT of the chest/abdomen/kidneys the next day Wednesday, September 30th...that will take two hours as he has to drink that white chalky stuff or contrast as they call it...

With the passing of Patrick Swayze...here is URL http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1213530/Patrick-Swayze-loses-cancer-battle-57.html... to see pictures of him and the one I refer to in the wheel chair...it was sad and seeing the photo of him being wheeled out from the hospital a couple weeks before...he looks so frail...Tim is getting to look like that...with his eyes it looks like they're sad and trying to tell me he's not ready yet...

He is getting to where he doesn't feel like company but he won't turn them away so he puts on a face for them...like yesterday it was quiet for us and I ran to get the newspaper and around 3:30 p.m. a coffee bud came by and Tim saw the truck through the window and told me..."I wished he hadn't come over, I am not up to it"...but he put on his face and chatted with him as much as possible like his old self...;)

Even Jack was acting odd today...not eating in the morning like always...he is always begging for his food...twirling in a circle to let me know it's time to eat...lol...then laying on the bathroom rug while I am getting ready and he has never done that...it's always in his bed by the nightstand when I get cleaned up...

Oh, I did get a battery ordered for his cell phone and I am hoping it will be here on Monday...his cell phone is his life line to the outside world...like the Internet is for me...but those calls are even better...:D

Well, I guess I will get off here and wish everyone health, happ:Dness, and prayers for whatever your needs are...luv with all your heart, be safe and have a good weekend...much luv to all :))

Nephrologist...

Yes, poo pe' our arms are surrounding you and keeping you safe in our hearts...with lotttttssss of luv....

I saw the nephrologist (kidney specialist) this morning...according to my blood work one of the test is showing some small changes in my kidney functions...the family doctor wants to nip it in the bud by stopping or slowing it down as much as possible...but nothing to worry about yet...as most patients don't have to do dialysis even when their functions are at 5.2 and mine are at 1.42 right now...

Let's see the kidney doctor asked if anything different going on with me that I noticed and I said no as my kidney function test showed a drop in June to two weeks ago from 50% down to 38%...I have lost some weight...I made adjustment in insulin to lesser amount and changes in some meds if not drop 3 per family doctor...I have been doing good without them...probably due to the weight drop too...the K doc kept asking about calcium intake and I said just in multivitamin and said my cholesterol bit high this time...so will do blood work again in 3 months when I see him again and see if anything went back to normal before putting me on cholesterol meds...ugghhh...there goes prescription part D and hitting that DONUT HOLE sooner again...anyway, I am also still anemic so I am to take a different iron supplement with vitamin C together for better absorbent on an empty stomach...I'm already doing both but not together or on an empty stomach...but not that many mgs either...going from 54mgs to 325mg of ferrous fumarate (105mg elemental iron) instead of just iron pills...but if it comes to me needing dialysis down the road...I have to have antibodies built up in my system to prevent Hepatitis B...that is a series of 3 shots...TODAY...booster Oct 9th and last booster March 9, 2010...then 2 months later do a blood test to see if the antibodies have built up if not, then I have to do the series of 3 shots again...

I don't feel any different except better than I have felt in a number of years...a bit tired and I see why now...anemic but...lol...my lateness prolly doesn't help either at times...but too much sleep and I sometimes feel worse...I do better on 5-6 hours not 8-9 hours...although my body does need it with the sarcoidosis as it's one of the symptoms...tires out easily especially if you feel good and then you have a tendency to over do things...lol...I'm good for that one...:D

As for Tim, not much change...still holding his own with the right combination of the compazine and the stronger pain med...but he still refuses the full dose of 20-30mgs...he just went from 15mg to 17.5mgs and outside of being awake for company and meals, bathroom, meds...he now sleeps all the time...I know company he enjoys and he puts on the face...but like he said this morning he hoped no one called or came by...that was odd to hear that out of him...he has only lost a couple of meals since we got on this combination and eating like a bird about every 3 hours...

We did get a call from the nurse that she is working on his Sutent with the new insurance medicare parts A B & D...and medigap...well, we haven't even gotten that card on that one yet...anyway, Kristi has done as much as she can until I call the mail script pharmacy and tell them our insurance has changed and to try and process a refill with the new insurance but not to send...contact kristi so that she can further process to get us help to pay little or nothing for the Sutent or he will stop taking for his next round due on October 22nd...

Outside of all this, we are taking one day at a time and holding our own...loving each other, saying prayers for all far and wide and all our girls...others and yes, strangers too...near, far and wide...whether daughters, nieces, friends, there's quite a few of you out there and you'll know who you are...our prayers go out to everyone....;)

Oh, a quick note...Tim and I hope a lit'l birdie's foot is healed and doing well and not too over worked in several states...:*) I sure hope I remembered everything...have a good rest of the week...lol...half over uhhhh....

Small meals...

Small meals every few hours is what seems to be working so far so that he doesn't get sick or have dry heaves...also made some Gatorade...threatened him that I was going to get pedialyte...lol...but seriously, I also think that him taking the compazine every six hours is helping too...I was beginning to worry there and said if we can't keep nothing in you...you know you'll have to go to the hospital...no I'm not...

I did call the doctor on Monday and the nurse tried calling a stronger medicine in but pharmacy said they hadn't received it...so called again on Tuesday, the doctor's office said they did call it in so they called again...ahhhh...it got filled and I went and picked it up and used the Medicare prescription part D for the first time...so far it's ok...whenever we pick up meds for both of us they go toward our $295 deductible each...then drops down to like $4 on most of them...til we hit that DONUT HOLE...yikkkkkkessss....I'll hit it real soon...tehe...I know it not funn:D but got to get a laugh out of something these days...playing it by ear day to day on everything....:)

Anyway, he switched from 2-7.5's Lortabs to 1-7.5 and 1-10 so total pain med is 17.5mg and not 15mg...he's doesn't quite want to go to 20mg yet until he needs to...this combo he said seems to be working and he knows when he's hurting he can do as much as 30mg per doctor...but I feel he gets to that point it might be time to have hospice come in or I call them when I think we need them to come monitor him...anyway, however it all works...

Today has been about the same for his pain and he says he usually feels pretty good in the mornings but as the day progresses he feels worse...he says that's why he sleeps allot too...so he don't have to feel it...as far as his eating today, it is allot better...with the smaller meals or what seems more like a snack to me seems to be working...he ate about five times today...kept it down everytime...lol...if he started to cough I'd look at him and say, "Don't you dare get sick on me." ;))

With the holiday weekend coming up, we are looking forward to daughter coming home from college even tho she moved to Vegas and sharing apt with a friend...as for sister, we wish she was coming home too...so we know who we are speaking about without using names...the youngest is daughter and the eldest is sister...or our poo pes'...babycakes...sweeti...sweetpea...whatever pops into my head...lol...I know as the girls say, "mom, your funn:D or a dork." Also one of our nieces is going to try and come down too...

The weather brought allot of winds and dark skies...not sure it rained, I haven't looked yet but there was plenty of thunder and lightening...weather ahs been up and down here...wish it would make up it's mind and just kool off....well, guess that's all the news for now...ya'll take care be safe and don't take anything for granted...

Much luv and our prayers are with everyone....

Pain...

As much as I'm sorry to say, his pain seems to be increasing since his trip to the doctor on Thursday...I wished he had taken the offer to have something stronger but he refused...I have pain patches but they always seem to make him sick...percocet, he doesn't want to use again yet...makes him too out of it...he's allergic to morphine...it almost put him on his death bed in the beginning back in November 2008...

He is hurting he says in the left side where his kidney is and left shoulder/arm...I asked if he wanted me to sleep on couch so I am closer to hear him easier and he said no...just to set my alarm to be sure to get up...he wasn't sure what time he would get up...

He was okay long enough for me to go to store to pick up prescriptions and a few groceries tonight but the pharmacy was already closed half hour before and when I got done and leaving I didn't see her but she hollered at me-Lar...we chatted a few minutes and she is coming by in the morning with ma to see how he is doing...I said don't expect much as he hasn't been feeling too good last few days...he got sick again when Red was here visiting yesterday eve...

I know I'm probably all over the wall bouncing from one thing to another but I am putting down as it comes into my head...my apologies...I just...I'm afraid this might be the down side coming on...I hope not...I don't know what else to say...I will be posting probably a bit more often...

Prayers are needed for his pain to lessen and for me to have strength to be strong for him...our prayers as well go out to everyone who is having health issues, personal issues or what is going on in your life...take care be safe and much luv to all...I am very glad I ran across that "Dancing with God"...

Spiritual...

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Submitted by: Nancy Schiener

Docs today....

Hello...As usual the trip is always hard on him and so he sleeps several hours after getting home...I hated to wake him for his meds at 3 pm...if I don't then he hurts more from taking late...

His blood pressure was good 123/73 and his weight is down to 163-a six pound loss in a month...labs were okay...doc ask how things were and Tim let him know and I had some input...he doesn't want to do the infusion anymore and doc said fine that he could always change his mind...tried talking to him on way home about it but we would go with what he is feeling...just reminding him we may not be able to afford after this month as not sure how the Medicare and medigap insurance is going to work for him in paying...talked about tired, no energy...his eating, said how his pain in low back bothering him and doc suggested increasing his pain meds...Tim said no not yet...doc offered hospice so he wouldn't have to make the trips to Georgetown and the home nurse could dispense his meds to him...Tim said no again...he said he is bound and determined he's going to be here for his daughter's graduation from college...I don't think he stopped to realize...that is 3 semesters of school yet and then graduation for her Bachelors Degree in Elementary Education...he's trying to keep uplifted but it seems to get harder for him and yes, it does good for him to see family and friends but he did admit to doc he does put up a front so they don't worry...anyway...

He is scheduled again to see the doctor October 9th but before hand he is getting labs done on September 29th and then next day have CT of chest, abdomen, pelvic area and luckily we can have that one done here at Mesa View...then on October 2nd we'll go to Georgetown for the four hour process of nuclear shot, wait and then have whole body bone scan done...like Tim said seems like we just had that all done, it was just back on July 17th when it was done...not sure again what the insurances will pay...sure hope it covers everything cuz there isn't any money left out of budget to cover paying anything else...sure can't squeeze blood out of a turnip...lol...

I had went to doc last week to get blood work and new prescriptions for me...there were a lot of highs and lows but nothing too much to be concerned about yet...doc wants to nip in bud before it gets too far but there has been tiny increases in one of the tests showing something going on with my kidneys...he has referred me to a neuphrologist-kidney specialist...I have appointment to get labs done in morning which take two weeks to get results and then after my appointment with another doctor about changing one of my meds or several cuz the way I have been feeling but also how my blood pressure readings have been low...too low for me...then after see him, I go back over to hospital to get a Renal Ultrasound (kidney) with a full bladder...ugggh...I have to drink at least 32-40 oz. water hour before and hold during ultrasound....so I am going to have a busy day tomorrow...my appointment with neuphrologist is September 9th...I do hope I have that letter in my hand from cobra insurance next week so I can get my medigap insurance through United American...for underage...lol...

So, life has been busy this week and HOT again...suppose to kool down....phewwwww just saw weather on news NOT kooling down yet-uggghhh...I hope the weather isn't going to be a roller coaster of ups and downs til it finally kools off....anyway...

My prayers are with everyone and with it being a TGIF...whoo hoo...I hope you all have a gr8 weekend...take care be safe and much luv to elf...eryone....:D

Month now...

Hi everyone...yes, it's been a month...there really hasn't been a whole lot to tell...on his last doctor's visit a month ago the doctor said his six month tests were similar but even then Tim has said and still is saying, "I don't care what the doctor says but I feel there are changes going on in me."

These past couple of weeks and this going into the third week...I can see tiny changes...more sleeping, harder to eat, no energy, sometimes loosing his food...he has finally backed off on how much he eats so he doesn't loose his food...going for coffee is harder too as he wears out real easily and then sleeps pretty much the rest of the day...he eats mostly fruit in morning with his meds and then has like a bowl of soup, a few crackers and a couple slices cheese for lunch and then I am always asking what sounds good to him for dinner...based on that I fix what he thinks he can eat and I go from there on what to fix for me...if not the same...Sundays is a day he likes to try some roast from crockpot with onions, tators and carrots...he still is careful about how much he eats even if he still feels hungry...main staple is fruit cups, soup, something for dinner and maybe jello...oh, he is back to using the compazine if any nausea kicks up...

He was suppose to get his infusion monthly but because of the way he has been feeling, I cancelled the appointment last week until we see doctor tomorrow...he got his blood work done on Tuesday for doctor...

Now as for insurance, after about a month and half of searching and calling...I have us both signed up for prescription part D...one so we don't get penalized which starts September 1st...I got him signed up for a medigap insurance after medicare to help pay what medicare doesn't...but for me in the State of Nevada if you are under 65 on disability there is no coverage except with United American and another one called Liberty something...but I have to have in my hand a "Certificate of Credible Insurance Coverage Letter" before I can even apply for medigap insurance for underage...hahahaha...isn't that a KICK...assuming I will be approved and you are suppose to be with that letter no matter what your health if and I say "IF" you do within 63 days of that certificate...so I am waiting for that letter as Tim had me type one to send to the cobra insurance stating his Medicare kicks in on September 1st...daughter is waiting for a copy so she get her insurance picked out...

We are hoping with the insurance premiums and deductibles on medicines and then making it until the donut hole they call in prescription part D that we can make it through til the end of the year without pulling what little bit there is left in savings...not sure if we would even qualify for a mortgage modification to lower the house payments at least until he passes as I don't want to move him...it would be too hard...when that time comes I know I will have to sell the house which is sad...I won't give up my dog either...lol...

Well, I have to get off here and get some sleep for in the morning...you all take care and our prayers are with everyone...near or far...hugs and kisses to all and don't take things for granted...God Bless all....<3

It weird both Tim and Jack seem to be gasping off and on for their breath...must be the way they are breathing in their sleep...good night :)

Insurance news....:(

Insurance news...not so good...we made calls this morning and found out what we were suspecting...after August 31st he will no longer have cobra insurance for any of us...we will have to send a letter in writing to the insurance that he has medicare that becomes effective September 1st and to take us off...

In the mean time, I started last week checking out medicare part D and this is what brought the question of whether we will still have insurance and we verified that for sure...now after this morning I started doing more research on medicare part D and for me alone to pay the so called deductible/out of pocket expense my meds will run close to $1000 a month then after that is met the cost will drop down to about $291 a month then I hit that donut hole and it goes back up to about $1000 again til that amount is met and then drops way down to like $91 a month...we can't afford that...when trying to research his...nothing came up...that was even more frustrating...wondering what we are going to do...we can't afford a medigap/supplemental insurance either which comes after medicare to cover the balance of any bills...so Tim says we better hope like heck neither one of us gets put in the hospital...not sure how we will pay for hospice when the time comes for him either...

I haven't given up hope of researching...altho sometimes it's overwhelming for me in trying to handle it all and do the research/calls for find out things...thanks to my mom for listening and giving me some advice, thanks to News 3 who said anyone needing medicine help to go to their website and check out Nevada Drug Card...any Nevadan can apply no questions etc. just put your name and email address I believe and print off your prescription card and use it at participating pharmacies which happens to be Walgreens...which with further research on the drugs he and I use...now get this his sutent would be more through this program ($7935.23 month) than through cobra ($7484.01 copay $20) he won't get that after August 31st...for the three other meds that is 170.55 month and these are estimations....mine would run all but insulin and needles...433.50 a big difference....so based on your medicines it is a big savings better than partD...I have to check into part B medicare I think through Liberty???? supplies some lungs medicines and diabetic meds/supplies and they bill medicare....have to wait for ad to come up on TV again...can't find info on internet...keep coming up with wrong site....

Quote unquote..."he says this is what we'll do to stay in house til market better to drop all his meds and worry bout my meds"...I agreed to it but I am still going to research and get him the help for September on...maybe I'm being selfish but I want him around a weeee bit longer...after he's gone there is no way I can stay in the house as I couldn't afford it...I would have to sell and hope that the market was better to get our escrow out of it as much as possible...or like he said we just walk away, take a loss and rent a place...

Now, my next option is to go through his cancer doctor and see if they can get us help...also me call American Cancer Society and see if they can help...thanks to a facebook friend...she gave me two websites to check into for medicine help for free or a little bit of nothing....

We couldn't even afford to convert is life insurance through work which he qualified for up to $107,000 but toooooo expensive and I kept going down to lower amounts til I got to $10,000 and that was still too expensive...

So all I can say is our American Dream is shot...things are just too expensive....we have no bills except usual monthly expenses mtg, power, water, telephone/internet etc...one for new a/c last April 2008...still have $4400 left on it...you can't afford things you drop them...then you start losing everything just to keep going...

Anyway, I am trying to find out what I can and get the help we need...just hard and overwhelming...our prayers go out to our niece who got a second opinion on surgery...the doctor won't even attempt to do surgery on her gall bladder til November and then it may still be risky with her on blood thinners for the blood clots she has...Tim was trying to uplift her today...

I just don't know what to say...daughter offering to give up her college which she has a year left and then one semester of teacher trainee and find full time job...NO what good would it do...NO...we couldn't and won't ask other daughter to move out here...she has a decent paying job where she's at right now with the economy the way it is...us move out there, NO...winters too cold and humidity too much for me....we stay here!!!!

Anyone has any other suggestions you can email me at happemom@mesquiteweb.com and I will gladly check into them...I also am going to check with the Senior Center here and see how they can help with info etc...
I guess I better get off here as 2 a.m. and I need up to run errands in the morning while fairly cool...we hit 114 today and no clouds as it's clearing up from last weeks cloudiness...

Our prayers are with everyone and take care be safe and much luv to u all....:D

Test Results...

To begin with I apologize for not posting sooner today...the tests results on the CT Abdomen and Bone Scan whole body were favorable...the kidney tumor is still shrunk, the liver tumors are not shrunk but stable...these are similar to February's tests...again a mixed bag on the bone scan as in February also...with the bones of his right hip/leg where fractured which has a long rod and screws put in hip and knee...there is still slight growth as well as his left arm (humerus) that he fractured back in September when the cancer was first found...as well as both shoulders...

The doctor feels he is basically maintaining and as you all know there is no cure...just a slowing down of it...doc recommends he continues the "Sutent" as he is maintaining on it and the infusion of Zometa which will help him from having any more fractures...I should say less chance of fractures...because the more the cancer eats at his bones the more vulnerable he is to breaks...the doctor did ask if he is able to walk...yeah to some degree with the help of his walker, otherwise he's in the motor wheelchair...Tim and I were discussing this on the way home and he was actually surprised by that question as the doctor was surprised he is able to even put any weight on his legs...

The next concern is the quality of life...he can tell there are changes going on because his quality of life isn't where it should be...each day is a struggle for him...to deal with not being able to do anything...he can't sit for long, not able to go in yard/garage and tinker...his appetite varies from meal to meal let alone day to day...it's hard to sometimes come up with something he can or wants to eat or able to eat...I finally got him back on oatmeal for breakfast but this morning he only had a few bites...didn't feel like eating....just like tonight it was very simple but it hit the spot for him in small amounts...hash browns and scrambled eggs with melted cheese...like the way daughter fixes hers....:D He can't even enjoy a cup of coffee anymore...it doesn't set well with him...he's tried couple times going out for coffee with the guys this past 2 weeks since April 23rd fracture and hospitalization for surgery...he was so wore out and hurting...he is dropping weight again...down to 169...

His infusion of Zometa is tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. which is to be done every 4 weeks...and it'll only take bout 30 minutes after paperwork and setup...he doesn't need potassium this time so it won't be a 2 days process as potassium has to be given slowly over 4-6 hours....

Schedules and appointments are already setup for next month...before we possibly lose cobra in September because his medicare will kick in but also we can't afford even the 35% insurance premiums (instead of 100% originally) in September even if he didn't have medicare starting...so doctor said when he came in after September we would stop the Sutent and re-evaluate and make a decision then...what choices we have because we couldn't afford full price on Sutent...$7500 or the 20% $1875...as well as the infusion...it would be a matter of a quality of life and being comfortable...

I don't know what else to say...we continue to take one hour, one day at a time...trying to keep him comfortable, he's lost interest in a lot of things...movies, reading, interests isn't into learning the Internet...let alone the just tinkering on the cp...

I guess I better get off here...have to be up in five hours to get ready and take him to get the infusion by 9 a.m.
and good thing it wont take long...even the short jaunt to the hospital tomorrow will have him wore out and he'll probably sleep most the morning after we get back...

You all take care and have a good day tomorrow...our prayers go out to all near and far with each set of problems, issues, dilemmas and every where I look, read, hear....everyone has something happening/going on...our prayers especially go out to the Hughes family with their young man missing since July 13th...he is a distant cousin to our niece...May you all be blessed and be safe...love one another dearly...

Good night...Wow, I hear whale cries...tehe...that's just background music and ocean sounds....:)

Yeaaaa...

my email up and running again...about 99% of spam mail gone...whooo hooo

:D

Email...

I forgot to make a notation bout my email...my ISP was making some changes to those customers who are mail.mesquiteweb users Thursday night...I kept getting this pop up box so Friday after getting home from Georgetown...I called and got it corrected...or so I thought but when I kept checking my emails I wasn't getting anything so just assumed the filters on their equipment must be really filtering out all the spam mail...tehe...finally had daughter send me an email on Saturday and after an hour still hadn't received it...

I called my ISP again and in the mean time went online to see what their website had to say and followed the directions and everything okay...ISP finally got on phone and run all the diagnostics and did a test email and he also agreed I didn't and wasn't getting my email...that they are being held up in the system...unfortunately, the admin guy doesn't work weekends so it would have to wait til Monday to get it fixed...apologies accepted I fully understand...

So if you can hold on sending any emails til after Monday and I can shoot an email to everyone on Tuesday that all is fixed...yeah.....I hope and thanks :D

Results soon...

Hi Elf...eryone...this is to bring you'll up-to-date on Tim...he's been holding his own with some good days and some not so hot...the usual pain and trying to find what's going to work for him...we are finding out that pain patches just isn't his thing...the patches seem to make him feel sicker instead of helping take the pain away...

He's made an attempt to go for coffee twice now and always comes home hurting more than when he left and then sleeps all day...but he says it was worth it cause he got out...of course, the guys still call and stop by to check on him...Red who had hip surgery is coming along pretty good and has stopped by a couple times in last couple of weeks...Larraine still brings ma on Sundays when she doesn't have family in town...

We are now getting our super hot weather...I have made an attempt to be out only when need be and try to do in early mornings or after dark...hahaha...monsoon season doesn't seem to have hit us just yet...but last night it was all around us thunder and lightening and today cloudy but it is keeping most the heat out...at least this morning it did...it is sunn:D now...so it's gonna be another day of 116 here...

Now, for his six month tests...daughter came up to help out Friday, July 17th as we had to be in Georgetown all day pretty much to do them...up at 4 a.m. out of here at 6 a.m. to be there at 8 a.m. for his nuke shot and surprisingly enuff they took him in after three hours instead of four hours for the whole body bone scan and not sure what to say on it...he still lit up like a green Christmas tree with some areas brighter than others due to the tumors, so not sure if change or improvement or the same as in March...but ohhhhh, that sitting in the wheel chair was getting to him....then because he couldn't have anything to eat or drink six hours prior to the CT of the abdomen except clear liquids...he had to drink this chalky berry drink every 20 minutes over a two hour period and then they took him back to scan and then inject contrast and scan again...hopefully, the kidney is still shrunk and liver tumors stable if not shrunk...we finally got home about 2:30 p.m. and crashed for a few hours...he slept longer since his hip/leg was really hurting even with the pain meds by the time we got home...by bedtime he said it had pretty well eased up and feeling his self as much as can be...

We will be going to see the doctor on Wednesday July 22nd to get the results about 11:30 a.m. so I will post that evening what the outcome is...we are not sure if he will have another infusion the next day at the local hospital...a lot will depend on if the doctor recommends it again and also if his sutent will be continued or be changed to another cancer medicine....

Our prayers still go out to everyone in need near and far and prayers for Tim are still requested and of course we take one day at a time and try to make the most of them...Hope all is having a good summer and not getting too burnt and hot from the weather...tehe...take care, be safe and our thoughts are with everyone....:D

Wild Day....So sorry my apologies to everyone...

Well to start off with, Tim is holding his own...still suffering pain in his fractured leg due to the rod and screws - could be a combination of things: such as the healing process, the weather and maybe the infusion again...still not eating much at times but we are working on that...he's worried bout money stretching out to cover the regular bills let alone the insurance premiums every month...then supposedly I won't be covered by supplemental health insurance as secondary to medicare cuz I'm not old enuff...brb dog needs out :D
So that means my pre-exiting condition is or will never be covered by any insurance that will pick me up if at all...somehow that doesn't sound right...will have to check it out...

Otherwise everything has been going pretty good up til yesterday morning when our son-in-law called and I talked with him a few minutes and then all of a sudden I got lightheaded so I bent over to help control it...threw the phone at Tim and said to talk with Gary...I tried standing up and the feeling still came over me and I'd try sitting but couldn't sit straight up, I was bending at the waist again...kind of in a panic but talked myself down as much as possible...

Tam was in Vegas and I said not to call her to just call 911-waiting for her would take too long...he couldn't drive nor could I the shape I was in...so he called a friend who just had hip surgery few weeks back and might add is doing super good in healing...Lori came over and Red came with his wife. I had to walk out stooped over afraid that feeling would come over me again...the last time I went thru something like this was in 2000 when I had a rapid heart beat before taking Tamra to school and thought I was going to pass out...I thought that was scary but think this was worse because my blood sugars were good and blood pressure normal actually better than good...my words weren't slurred and I could raise my arms above my head and talk at the same time so figured not stroke...but still felt like I was going to pass out every time I tried to straighten up...

The ER was trying to rule out everything...CT brain for stroke, chest x-ray (not sure the reason for that or that I remember what they told me), blood work make sure chemicals were in balance...I did have an IV drip of potassium and magnesium as they both were low...so it's come down to inner ear problem...they gave me antivert to help but because I started to get soooooo antsy like I was ready to climb the walls and scream they gave me benadryl to help calm me...something in all of this started out making me sound like I was on a happ:D pill or been drinking...then all of a sudden I'm not sure what to say...I remember little bits and pieces but that I couldn't handle it!!!!!!...I can't stand to be soooo tired and yet feel antsy that I climb the walls...maybe my RLS (restless leg syndrome) added to it to...I don't know...I DO APOLOGIZE to everyone if I said or done anything out of line...like Tim and Tamra were telling me, they have never seen me like that before and even Lori said what a BIG transformation in my character...she was even worried for me...I would say I am allergic to something or combo of things set it off...

I don't even remember eating but there was something about having some acai juice and mixing magnesium powder in it and pouring it over bacon and trying to drink it off the paper plate...I know it wasn't funn:D at the time but to hear it now it sounds funn:D...sorry. I am soooooo sorry to my husband and especially to our daughter Tamra when she was only trying to help...I guess after trying the couch and not working I went into the bedroom and went to bed...because of her dad she came in woke me at 8:30pm and I think we ate Arby's so if I don't have any of this totally right she can correct me...I believe I was up for awhile not sure if I got in myspace or facebook last night...if I did I hope I was good with everyone...come to think of it I was on facebook and finally decided it was time to go to bed when my head hit the desk while dozing...lol...omg, I was a total mess last two days...I never want to go thru that again...whatever brought it on...then to have my character totally change...as today progressed on and took more naps and got the benadryl out of me and felt I had my faculties back I started feeling more myself...but I am continuing with the earplug in my left ear and using the travel sickness pill every 6 hours as needed when I feel that feeling starting to come over me again...so far its been pretty steady every six hours too...the hospital even called today to see how I was doing and to make sure I was taking the travel sickness pill...which I did after more of the benadryl wore off...

Right now I'm not sure whats going on and I just want to bawl...it just seems one thing right after the other and I'm strong and optimistic but enough...to see him today and this evening has me concerned...he says he's alright but his body language is saying otherwise...I think I really had him worried and still do...I don't think or I should say he doesn't want to be left alone again...by losing another wife...in death...that's why if anyone was to go it has to be him first not me...in a lot of ways I feel I'm stronger than him but yet he is strong-look what he has already gone through...but even that can be more than enough for one man...there was a question posed just recently asking where I thought I would be in 10 years time...I honestly answered "Living with one of our daughters"...oh, I don't want to be a burdened to them...

Well, he got his meds at 11pm with his magnesium drink and hopefully he'll rest peacefully knowing I am doing better...I think I will sleep on the couch tonight and make sure he does okay through the night after all that has gone on last couple of days...Tam will be home tomorrow as she will be taking me to my doctor's appointment first thing MOnday morning at 8am...so I will keep all posted...again my apologies to everyone and you all have a happ:D safe Sunday...good night...:D

Too long in updates...

Too long in giving you all updates and my apologies...it has been a long week and next month will be even longer and harder on one particular day July 17th when we have to be in Georgetown for 8 hours plus the drive time to and from....

Tam's fiance Shaun is having problems with his back again...docs, x-rays, MRI's...now off 5 days til results come back...depending on results either surgery or steroids shots...he will be in our prayers as well...his dad Ken is doing really good...

But to the updates...our niece who is having clot issues is still off work on short term disability and went in for a follow-up and found out why she is having so much pain...gall bladder...she is very high risk for surgery...her own doctor told her no doctors would touch her because her survival rate would be...doc couldn't even give her a 1% survival rate...she could die on the table...she has opted out and on heavy pain meds...doctor said she doesn't need her gall bladder, to let it die off and hopefully get through the pain with medication...we really feel for her and have her in our prayers daily...

He had labs done on Monday 8th at the hospital here in town and then on Wednesday 10th, we went to Georgetown and saw his oncologist...he was a bit low in phosphorus and slightly anemic...we told doctor about the infusion of zometa last month and how much pain it caused him and a bit of nausea and coldness he had for about a week...doctor recommended he try it again and if still the same reaction to stop getting the infusion...but while he was getting the infusion to add the phosphorus to it...to continue on the "Sutent"...so when we got home I ordered the last refill of "Sutent" and to be delivered on Tuesday by FedEx...got a new script for his lortab and a long acting pain patch to help him cut back on the pain pills...the patch last for 3 days at 25mg fentanyl if he needs stronger dose then go to two patches...hopefully this one won't make him sick like the morphine pain patches did...he's finding out he is becoming more sensitive to other medications...my mom is the same way...but then all you have to do is listen to your body and it''ll let you know if the medication is right or wrong for you...then on Thursday 11th, we went to the hospital here and he got set up for the infusion for 2 hours we were told...ahhhhh....what?...the doctor decided to add potassium to the infusion and it has to go in slowly otherwise it would affect his heart...see you need potassium for your heart to function properly among other chemicals...so instead of 30 minutes it was 2 hours...uhhhummmm...try 3 hours...along with zometa...so we opted as you can tell for half the potassium on Thursday and to come back Friday morning for the other 20mg of potassium in an IV drip or infusion...it was only 2 hours....yeaaaaaaaaaa :D...

We stopped to get lunch and check the mail...ate lunch...he took nap...I washed clothes, put my Taco soup in crock pot for four hours and baked a blackberry pie...ohhhhhh, that was soooooo good....you know it was good enuff to use as a blackberry jam too...I can use the same recipe for any type of berry pie...I have never made a berry pie...usually apple, peach, cherry and of course good ole' pumpkin yummmm...tehe...never thought to make a berry pie...then Smith's last year in season had them at the store and I bought one...oh, it was good and have been looking for the pies again this year...nothing yet...but a friend Tony gave me the recipe and so simple...I tyvm....:)

We got next months appointments scheduled...monthly labs July 15th here at hospital then the CT of abdomen and nuclear Bone Scan (where he lights up like a Christmas Tree-why you say?...because on the monitor he lights up green...tehe...a lit'l humor there) in Georgetown...then back on Wednesday 22nd to see oncologist for the results to see it the "Sutent" is continuing to slow down or stabilize the cancer cells...last report tumor shrunk some in the kidney and stabilized the tumor in the liver but a mixed bag that the cancer was still spreading in the bones...doctor is hoping for better results this time on the bones...otherwise, doctor will be changing his meds for treating...I was reading there is a new one out for the kidneys but not sure what doctor's thoughts are on it...we'll wait and see next month...so we have another breather for another three weeks...

I am holding my own and using my down time to relax by visiting and chatting with all my new friends and farming tehe...FarmTown...whoooo hooooo...talk about diversity of ppl...from Belgium, England, Philippines, Canada, Australia, Chile, Scotland, Spain (only Tatakoa showed me a translator to use so we can talk and maybe I'll learn some Spanish too-that was fun) UT, IN, NC, MO, AK, LA, CA, GA and many more, oh and of course good ole' NV...:D...my apologies for not getting on today yet...needed some sleeping in time and blogging as well...I have them not as often but get hit with it still...it's been one of them days where I'm fighting back the tears off and on today...sorry :( but I be ok...I always am...:)~ that's strawberries to you...tehe...

Our weather has been pretty mild except for the winds...had a few days of over 100 degrees but it'll hit with a vengeance soon enough...hopefully, we won't get hit with any 120's...lol...so I think I have covered all the basis...oh, maybe not...our youngest on Monday will be moving to Vegas to share a place with some friends as it will be closer to her job and college coming up again in September...but she will jaunt home to check on us...told her not to fret she has to do it one of these days anyway...now is just as good as a later time...she's been somewhat of a caretaker LONG enuff for her mom when he was working and now her dad...she needs to get her life started...:D lvu babes...

I hope this finds elf...eryone having a happ:D and fun weekend being safe careful and very much loved and surrounded by family and friends...prayers are with you all...:D

Doctor today....

He saw the doctor today actually this late morning...x-rays are looking good...shows this big Ole rod in his leg to help hold together while his leg heals and especially round the tumor area and the cloudiness in the x-ray is doing what it suppose to-healing...but the long rod is there if it was ever to change down the road...or if it wasn't healing properly this past five weeks...

The doctor also said he could go off his blood thinners (coumadin) and it should be out of his system in about 3-4 days and then if he needs it go back to using naproxen with his lortabs...naproxen also acts as a form of aspirin too...

He is suppose to start using his walker/cane/crutches - which ever suits him and put weight on his leg and over time more weight but to realize he can't go with any of those choices for the rest of his life...hahaha...doctor said he was taking it well and upbeat...what else can you do but that and try to defy the odds...

We met a nice lady from church and she kept thinking she knew our daughter - she did and finally came over to say hi and well wishes...we her too...recovery from knee surgery...just so many people needing prayers...MaryAnn not sure what's going on in her life - saw pic of her strapping young man who graduated...others making decisions in their lives moving, school, etc...family members needing surgery and friends as well...I pray that our niece who hasn't been home long from the hospital with meds for fighting blood clots - right now is going through surgery for her gall bladder and she is soooo high risk....mom still having problems again with hands swelling and in pain from the gout...steroid therapy didn't work for long nor the other medication used...a friends father not needing heart surgery just stints and glad to hear he's feeling a lot better...Tim talked with him a few days ago...praying that my scrappers hubby is holding and continues doing good...just so many and knowing you can't get them all mentioned in here...so this goes out to all near and far, sick and healing, whatever your needs are, you're in our prayers...:*)

A happ:D note ...TO ALL THOSE FARM TOWN ADDICTS out there...LOL...be safe and have a good week to elf...eryone....boo

p.s. Belated Happ:D B-days to those I've missed and those coming up in June...happ:D b-day Jamie Wade...