Collasped...

I got him settled for the night and he has seemed a bit agitated most the evening so gave him meds to help calm him down...kept wanting to have that cigarette but managed to convince him not to...he kept saying he was afraid to go out and have one...he couldn't tell me why so I said don't go have one and he decided to lay back down...I just barely got settled down and started to dose off and he was trying to get up to go out and have that cigarette but was afraid...

I got him up and put his coat on him and he went out on the back porch but when he came back in he said something suddenly and headed for frig but collasped on me in the wheelchair...keeled over in the chair...almost like he quit breathing...I wasn't expecting that to happen...I mean I know changes are going to be coming but not that...crying I hurried up and grabbed the portable oxygen and got it going and kept talking to him...breathe please just breathe...I managed to get the chair close to the kitchen cabinet where the phone was and called hospice...told them Sheila is the one that usually sees him...answering service got a hold of her and I talked with her on the phone and she would be over in about 20 minutes...not to move him...

Then out of the blue he sat up and his breathing picked up and he insisted I help him get back into bed...I got the wheelchair over to the bed as close as I could and properly got him up and into bed...put the other oxygen machine on him...he was so pale, calmy and dripping wet like he got out of the shower...she checked him over and told me what to expect that I would start seeing some drastic changes...but she couldn't put any time to it...I have been trying to prepare myself this past year but I know it's not the same as when it actually happens...this just TOTALLY caught me off guard and Sheila said I had done right by calling her...she will call me at about 10 a.m. before coming over...it's just a matter of keeping him as comfortable as possible...calm...I've decided he couldn't drive his Harley and that I was suspending his driving privileges...tehe...trying to keep myself together...at times this evening now thinking back on it...there were a few times he seemed confused...

I am considering taking my sister's offer to come out to help and cancelling my appointment with eye doctor on Friday...I ain't leaving his side...so girls be prepared for that call unless you are here already...it's too fast...I got to get some rest...lvu <3