Disoriented...

I always set the cell alarm for 3 a.m. for his meds...but when I woke it was only 2:20 a.m. and he was sitting in his wheelchair...asked why he didn't holler and said he didn't know...so I got him back into bed and I sat at the kitchen table waiting for 3 a.m. to roll around to give him his meds...he hollered at me bout 2:45 a.m. and wanted to know when he had his last cigarette and as far as I knew it was about an hour before he went to bed...asked me if I thought he should go have one at bedtime and I said probably not as it wires him up and makes him more agitated and restless...so he didn't...but back to meds time...gave him his meds after he went for a cigarette and helped him back into bed...put his water back in the frig and he was trying to talk to me...said wait a minute I would come over and sit with him while he talked...more like trying to gasp air into his lungs with every word...

He was saying that when he woke up he felt disoriented, thought he was going down a street in Mexico no chair no one around trying to find a bathroom and when he comes round the corner there's this "Beautiful Angel" talking to him and then he realizes it me his Angel...;) I couldn't hold it back anymore...he wanted a small light left on so when he woke up again he wouldn't be disoriented...said he felt cold like an iceberg...I covered him up with two blankets and sat with him for awhile until I decided to blog...he seems to be resting peacefully again...

I should go back to bed and get more sleep but am too wide awake right now...listening to music as I blog too...our youngest came home for a day and she said it was hard to see him like this...to be sure to call her if any changes...I do wish our oldest was closer...I do hope she'll be able to get out here soon...her employer is laying her off end the week...has known this for a month but no other jobs have come available yet...

He woke again at 5:17 a.m. and said he had to go...got him on the commode but unable to go...that has been happening quite a bit lately too...got him some water and back into bed...drenched from sweating so change his shirt I believe the 4th time today...just washed his sheets Saturday and will need to change again in morning...

I'm not ready for him to go...we've got 24 beautiful years together and 23 of them married and with all the pitfalls...you know peaks and valleys...it's been interesting, fun, loveable and it's hard to see another change in my life...one that feels like it'll be turned upside down...

Well, I guess I'll go back to bed for couple more hours...keeping everyone posted best I can thru this blog, myspace or facebook...

One last thing daughter dear think the new pic of me since lost some weight and no makeup and hair down tehe makes me look like a witch...LOL...I hope the "Good Witch"...luv to all and don't take anything for granted...;)